So far so good for radiotherapy. We got there early and had a cup of coffee in the cafe. The radiotherapy staff were lovely. Only problem was that my machine was one of two that packed up this morning, so everyone was having to be moved onto the other four machines. That said I was only about 45 minutes late getting started. My first session took 23 minutes as they had to take some pictures and get my position right. I have to lay on my back on something that looks like a spine board then put my arms over my head and rest them in some cup things that take the weight, turn my face to the left and stay very still. I am very good at staying still so there were no problems. ( I used the time to meditate) The bed and/ or the machine moves around/ over you, you dont feel a thing. Of course its possible that halfway through the treatments I shall start to feel tender and sore, and maybe tired as my body starts to concentrate on healing the areas that have been burnt. But for now its ok. The hospital is really clean and modern and I have no complaints on my first visit.
I shall take some rest this afternoon as I have an evening with Sue tonite ( with wine) and have to be up again tomorrow morning for my second dose. I do intend to be careful and as ever listen to my body and do what it tells me. However compared to Chemo this is much more pleasant.
I have retreated from my shed today as the weather is damp and miserable, but yesterday afternoon it was so warm in there I had to have the door open. What a change!
Monday, 7 November 2011
Sunday, 6 November 2011
Last hurdle
Well, Halloween and Bonfire night has passed. I always feel that at this point in the year Christmas is just around the corner. And the weather is so mild, long may it last !
Recieved another quote for my kitchen and have decided to go ahead- plan for a future ! Am having to decide this week on tiles and worktops etc so this will keep me busy through my first week of Radiotherapy. Its going to be quite a challenge to get up and into Hull every morning for 3 weeks ( I dont usually get up until 9am, sometimes a bit later) by 9.30. As its my first one tomorrow I have to be there for 9am, but Dennis is coming with me so I will be on time for that one. I am hoping that all goes well with this and that I dont get too much skin damage, or get the dreaded fatigue back, but alas I shant know this until I get going with it.
Thankfully last evening my big toe nail fell off at last. Whats the big deal I hear you say. Its been disgusting for about 3 months all black and nasty. Its such a relief, although a bit late as its now boot and sock time so it wouldnt have mattered so much. My finger nails on the other hand are a complete mess, one of my thumbs is half black and the others are all coming away halfway down the nail. So I think they will also fall off !! I look like an alien. But I am alive so I am grateful for that.
Sadly on the news yesterday was the story of a six year old boy. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2009. They operated and he had chemo and radiotherapy. He got two all clears on his scans and then the cancer came back and there was nothing they could do. He died last March, wheres the sense it that ?. This is now how I have to live, with a cloud over my head. Even an all clear scan does not mean IT wont come back. I am really trying not to become a bore over this, but it is somthing I have to come to terms with . I am hoping that once radiotherapy is finished, and Christmas, I shall be able to get on with my life. I dont yet know however what thatis going to be. I have several thoughts but nothing specific. My customers keep asking Dennis when I will be back, but it cant be in the shop as I have a new sunbed in my room. It cant be at my house because I dont think people will travel that far. I dont want it to be full time because I want to do more Reiki teaching and 'Love Heals' and get qualified to teach meditation. But then where I am going to do that?......
Recieved another quote for my kitchen and have decided to go ahead- plan for a future ! Am having to decide this week on tiles and worktops etc so this will keep me busy through my first week of Radiotherapy. Its going to be quite a challenge to get up and into Hull every morning for 3 weeks ( I dont usually get up until 9am, sometimes a bit later) by 9.30. As its my first one tomorrow I have to be there for 9am, but Dennis is coming with me so I will be on time for that one. I am hoping that all goes well with this and that I dont get too much skin damage, or get the dreaded fatigue back, but alas I shant know this until I get going with it.
Thankfully last evening my big toe nail fell off at last. Whats the big deal I hear you say. Its been disgusting for about 3 months all black and nasty. Its such a relief, although a bit late as its now boot and sock time so it wouldnt have mattered so much. My finger nails on the other hand are a complete mess, one of my thumbs is half black and the others are all coming away halfway down the nail. So I think they will also fall off !! I look like an alien. But I am alive so I am grateful for that.
Sadly on the news yesterday was the story of a six year old boy. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2009. They operated and he had chemo and radiotherapy. He got two all clears on his scans and then the cancer came back and there was nothing they could do. He died last March, wheres the sense it that ?. This is now how I have to live, with a cloud over my head. Even an all clear scan does not mean IT wont come back. I am really trying not to become a bore over this, but it is somthing I have to come to terms with . I am hoping that once radiotherapy is finished, and Christmas, I shall be able to get on with my life. I dont yet know however what thatis going to be. I have several thoughts but nothing specific. My customers keep asking Dennis when I will be back, but it cant be in the shop as I have a new sunbed in my room. It cant be at my house because I dont think people will travel that far. I dont want it to be full time because I want to do more Reiki teaching and 'Love Heals' and get qualified to teach meditation. But then where I am going to do that?......
Friday, 4 November 2011
Bodies on its way back to me
Had a good treatment at the Odyssey center, reflexology which helped my aching feet. Its amazing how your body quickly gets out of condition. My feet are really suffering at the moment, having gone from not being able to do much to walking fast for an hour. Anyhow not complaining, its really nice to start feeling your body is a little more under your control. Honestly its hard to describe how the chemo has such a huge effect - especially towards the end. Not just physically but emotionally,mentally, and spiritually. It completely takes over. Now I feel I am getting ' Bronia' back at last. I am not a ' fade', just me. Warts and all.!
Next step is radiotherapy which starts on Monday. I have to be in Hull for 9.30 every day Monday to Friday for 3 weeks. Then that's it, all over as far as treatment is concerned. Then the waiting starts, to find out if all this misery has been worth it. And I think that is going to be the hardest part of all. A complete mind fuck every time I feel a little unwell or find a swelling. What can you do? You have to just get over it and make the most of every day, which I fully intend to do. Have started having a bit of a clear out and am going to continue through the house until I have finished, hopefully before Monday.
On a happier note my hair is continuing to sprout through, although its really a baby fuzz. I look really funny, but am happy its on its way as it really does make your head feel cold without it. Still no sign of eyelashes though but hell you cant have everything!!
Next step is radiotherapy which starts on Monday. I have to be in Hull for 9.30 every day Monday to Friday for 3 weeks. Then that's it, all over as far as treatment is concerned. Then the waiting starts, to find out if all this misery has been worth it. And I think that is going to be the hardest part of all. A complete mind fuck every time I feel a little unwell or find a swelling. What can you do? You have to just get over it and make the most of every day, which I fully intend to do. Have started having a bit of a clear out and am going to continue through the house until I have finished, hopefully before Monday.
On a happier note my hair is continuing to sprout through, although its really a baby fuzz. I look really funny, but am happy its on its way as it really does make your head feel cold without it. Still no sign of eyelashes though but hell you cant have everything!!
Thursday, 3 November 2011
Holidays
Well thats it for now. Had a great time in Gran Canaria. Weather was 29 degrees most of the time. The hotel was brilliant. Food was delicious. AND I got Cava everyday with breakfast!! What can I say?
On a serious note I did spend time swimming and walking. We walked for at least 1 hour per day. It has helped me feel soo much better. Stronger and fitter despite all the food ( and drink). It was just what we both needed, though I have to say my baldy napper caused some attention around the pool. Kids being kids were all totally fascinated and made no attempts to hide their curiousity- good for them.
However that wont happen again because all that sunshine has given me a fuzz of hair growth, its bizarre. Its all coming through at different speeds, and I think its going to be gray. Now I'm cool about that as long as its gray all over and not all stripy. I would like white as I would enjoy using pinks and blues and purples to colour it. But anyhow I shall just have to wait and see. Whatever comes through I have to put up with it for 6 months- apparently you are not supposed to use dyes. I do wonder if henna is OK. I shall try and find out. The really annoying thing is my legs have grown hairs too. Now that means I have to start shaving, damn it. You see its true- for every up theres a down. And NO sign of my eyelashes returning. I dont care about the hair, I really want my eyelashes back. Typical isnt it ??
On a serious note I did spend time swimming and walking. We walked for at least 1 hour per day. It has helped me feel soo much better. Stronger and fitter despite all the food ( and drink). It was just what we both needed, though I have to say my baldy napper caused some attention around the pool. Kids being kids were all totally fascinated and made no attempts to hide their curiousity- good for them.
However that wont happen again because all that sunshine has given me a fuzz of hair growth, its bizarre. Its all coming through at different speeds, and I think its going to be gray. Now I'm cool about that as long as its gray all over and not all stripy. I would like white as I would enjoy using pinks and blues and purples to colour it. But anyhow I shall just have to wait and see. Whatever comes through I have to put up with it for 6 months- apparently you are not supposed to use dyes. I do wonder if henna is OK. I shall try and find out. The really annoying thing is my legs have grown hairs too. Now that means I have to start shaving, damn it. You see its true- for every up theres a down. And NO sign of my eyelashes returning. I dont care about the hair, I really want my eyelashes back. Typical isnt it ??
Tuesday, 25 October 2011
I'm Tittoe'd
The building that houses Oncology and Radiotherapy in Hull is new and quite something. I was seen quite quickly and the staff were all very pleasant. Was asked if I could put both my arms over my head for scan and subseqent radiotherapy sessions. Luckily I can so that creates no problems. They got me into position, they have sort of cups for your hands and arms, put loads of stickers and felt tip lines over my stump and scanned the area. Then they gave me two very small permanent marks that look just like moles which they will use to line me up every time I have radiotherapy. Clever isnt it??
They have told me I shouldnt have to wait too long to get into each session which is a good thing and treatment takes about 20 mins. So hopefully as I have to be there every day at 9.30 I should be out by 10.15 which means getting home by about 10.45. Which means I dont have to lose everyday I will have time left to do other things.
Looking forward to our holiday now. Spending the rest of the day preparing for it, will be so good to get away and swim and walk along the beach and do normal things. Shall of course update you on our return ......
They have told me I shouldnt have to wait too long to get into each session which is a good thing and treatment takes about 20 mins. So hopefully as I have to be there every day at 9.30 I should be out by 10.15 which means getting home by about 10.45. Which means I dont have to lose everyday I will have time left to do other things.
Looking forward to our holiday now. Spending the rest of the day preparing for it, will be so good to get away and swim and walk along the beach and do normal things. Shall of course update you on our return ......
Monday, 24 October 2011
Hair today
Off to Hull this afternoon to have a scan and permanent tattoo's put on my stump ( tittoo's). The tattoo's are put on by the radiotherapy department - they are very small brown spots, so that they know where to head for when I commence radiotherapy. Should be an interesting experience.
My fingernails are becoming more disgusting by the day. Isnt it weird that theyve only just started going that way, weeks after I have finished chemo? Still, nothing I can do but wait for them to grow out. Good news is I have some 'fluff' appearing on the top of my head. Not on the sides yet, but on the top. Now I have to wait and see what the colour will be ( at the moment it looks very light ) and what kind of texture I shall end up with. Its quite interesting to see how my body is changing yet again.
Managed another 50 minute walk yesterday, although my legs and feet ached but did it none the less. Looking forward to walking much more on our holiday, and swimming, both will do me good. Am wanting to get radiotherapy over and done with now. Must be feeling better as I couldnt even think about it before. Just want to complete all these treatments and continue in life. Dennis and I intend to have lots of discussions next week about what I want to do next year. Have lots of thoughts about that but you have to think about practicalities all the time- bloody annoying....
My fingernails are becoming more disgusting by the day. Isnt it weird that theyve only just started going that way, weeks after I have finished chemo? Still, nothing I can do but wait for them to grow out. Good news is I have some 'fluff' appearing on the top of my head. Not on the sides yet, but on the top. Now I have to wait and see what the colour will be ( at the moment it looks very light ) and what kind of texture I shall end up with. Its quite interesting to see how my body is changing yet again.
Managed another 50 minute walk yesterday, although my legs and feet ached but did it none the less. Looking forward to walking much more on our holiday, and swimming, both will do me good. Am wanting to get radiotherapy over and done with now. Must be feeling better as I couldnt even think about it before. Just want to complete all these treatments and continue in life. Dennis and I intend to have lots of discussions next week about what I want to do next year. Have lots of thoughts about that but you have to think about practicalities all the time- bloody annoying....
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Universal comments
Well yesterday was interesting. Started at the Pink Rose Suite where Barbara ( my breast nurse) was very complementary over the way I handled a call from a recently diagnosed lady, who asked Barbara if she could speak to someone who had been through the process. Then my consultant Jenny Smith was very happy over the way I looked ( she said she found it hard to believe I had recently been in hospital) as I looked so healthy - another message from the Universe. Was really happy about how my stump had settled, so found no need to inflate it further.She also spoke to me about initial plans for reconstruction. Because of radiotherapy side effects I have to wait at least 6 months before reconstruction can commence. It will be a major op- much bigger than the first op to remove the breast. And recovery will take upto 6 months, although as she said I seem to bounce back quickly from these things so it hopefully wouldnt take that long for me. However I am not convinced that I want to tie myself down to something that will remove me from life for a period of time next year. If I am on borrowed time why would I want to give myself that grief when I could be living my life to the full? Afterall this is just a cosmetic procedure. Anyhow its too soon to make any decision about that, I shall ponder that over the coming months and see how I feel nearer the time. As I said I feel very confident with my 'stump', it does not prevent me from wearing any of my clothes and next week it shall be on show in a bikini top. There is however a possibility that radiotheraphy may distort it, so I shall just have to wait and see.
They are so good at the Breast clinic that as I was walking out one of the nurses who had been in with us suddenly announced that as I was going abroad next week I ought to have a letter in case I set off the security scanners. Apparently the tissue expander has a metal port which can sometimes be picked up . So to save me from any potential hold up they have given me a letter explaining my metal piece.
Popped into the shop where all my customers kept saying how well I looked ( Universe worked so hard yesterday)
I also had an appointment to see my GP later in the day as I wanted to ask her if she would give me some anti biotics in case I got an insect bite or injury to my right arm whilst on holiday. She very kindly did and also added the comment about how well I seem to be coping with all this and ' how well I looked' ( Universe). What can I say. I dont feel I am making any effort to deal with this, its just how it is. I have choosen to ' embrace' this rather than be in denial. Accepting a situation is by no means giving up or condoning what is happening, it just saves all that energy that would otherwise be wasted in feeling sorry for yourself or becoming horror of all horrors a Victim !!
They are so good at the Breast clinic that as I was walking out one of the nurses who had been in with us suddenly announced that as I was going abroad next week I ought to have a letter in case I set off the security scanners. Apparently the tissue expander has a metal port which can sometimes be picked up . So to save me from any potential hold up they have given me a letter explaining my metal piece.
Popped into the shop where all my customers kept saying how well I looked ( Universe worked so hard yesterday)
I also had an appointment to see my GP later in the day as I wanted to ask her if she would give me some anti biotics in case I got an insect bite or injury to my right arm whilst on holiday. She very kindly did and also added the comment about how well I seem to be coping with all this and ' how well I looked' ( Universe). What can I say. I dont feel I am making any effort to deal with this, its just how it is. I have choosen to ' embrace' this rather than be in denial. Accepting a situation is by no means giving up or condoning what is happening, it just saves all that energy that would otherwise be wasted in feeling sorry for yourself or becoming horror of all horrors a Victim !!
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