Summer Solistice

Well here I am a year later, much stronger and recovered from the ravages of my treatment. Looking back to last Solstice day when I stayed up to see the sun rise ( but actually gave up and went to bed) I have done so many things that I probably wouldnt have, had the C thing not happened.
We went back to Nepal- earlier than we would have,  and we went to Menri and met his Holiness and witnessed the masked dance, and stayed in Shimla. I had past life regression, which was facinating and I still have work to do on the results of that.  Then 6 weeks later I went off to Bali and had a life changing time in so many ways. Then a couple of weeks later Dennis and I took off to Morocco for  a restful time of reflection. We have a couple of weekends planned in the UK, and are still looking at going off to Goa in November.  AND now also going back to Bali next April, as I feel now in retrospect I have some unfinished business there.
It is amazing how liberating a serious illness can be. It really puts everything into perpective. Life takes on a whole new meaning.  For example I no longer worry about growing old, rather look upon that as a cause for celebration- should it happen. I never did worry much about what other people think so now thats completely gone. I dont stress about anything as life's too short.  I try to live in the moment and enjoy as much as I can.
Ha!  longest day and as I type this in my shed at 10.15 am, it is nearly dark !! The rain is pouring down, its more like midwinter than midsummer. I'm almost too cold and thinking about putting the heater on, can you believe it ? You see the weather is like life. You expect because its mid June that the sun will be shining, Strawberries will be ready for picking, the gardens in full bloom. But Mother nature has other ideas, she is not bound by our expectations.  She decides to send cold wet weather just when we least expect it, and then warm rain free winters that lead us into drought situations. Same with life, sometimes you have to make the best of unexpected events.  As for me I'm going out to dance in the rain !! Happy Summer Solstice

The Dalai Lama

What a brilliant couple of days and a great way to end a holiday. Firstly I love Manchester, we lived there for about 4 years in the late 80's and I loved it then. So much has changed there -since the IRA blew most of the center up after we left ( luckily)  Mancunians are so friendly and we got that as soon as we got to the hotel. Such a change from Morocco. The hotel which was near the Arena was full of attendees ( you can spot them a mile off, middle to old aged, mostly female ( sounds familiar?)  very drab, awful clothes and no make up, hair long, and that includes their armpits !  ( not familiar). And a few monks. I saw a lady that had attended one of the Glastonbury events, but I didnt speak to her. Mind you she didnt speak to me at those events, I reckon I looked just too dam glamourous to be considered as worthy.  I think a good waxing, haircut and a 10 years younger makeover and she would look great. But I guess thats attachment and grasping ( I'm obviously good at that) But I do find myself asking why ' spiritual women' have to let themselves go. Does that not give Spiritualism a bad image?  Maybe I'm wrong , and I know I am not perfect, but whenever I go to these events they all huddle together and appear to be having deep meaniful conversations. They never have a laugh and let their hair down amd just chill. Which is weird because part of the Dalai Lama 's presentation was about enjoying this life and being free from self imposed constraints. And all the Buddists & Bon monks I have ever met ( and by now I have met a few, in the UK , Nepal, and India) are all fun loving free hearted spirits. So once again I found myself thinking these ladies have their heads up their bottoms. Its just my opinion but when I see them I understand why ' normal' people might get a bit scared.  However I accept they might look at me and think I am not serious enough and silly,  however for once I feel I am able to  challenge that opinion.  For once I do believe that I have enough experience and knowledge on the subject to be considered at the very least their equal. Do you realise how wonderful it feels to be able to write that, at last ?
Anyhow, as I walked over to the arena my mind wandered back to when I used to work in the city and it felt good, old memories, but fond. Having said that I would not want to return to city living, but it felt good to revisit old haunts.
As for the Dalai Lama, he was ace. So charismatic and up to date. He was facinating and down to earth.  On Saturday he gave a free presentation to under 25's, and was assisted by Russell Brand. According to the Newspapers they both did a great double act. Some might think this a strange coupling, but Russell Brand does Transcendental meditation - as does yours truly- and has helped tutor ex military in the US in this discipline. Once again highlighting the fact that you dont have to be boring and pious to gain or impart the benefits of spiritualism. Anyhow part of the DL's teaching was on the 8 ways to train the mind. So much of this reflected the Marharishi's teaching in transcendental movement, that once again I couldnt help but realise how related all this stuff appears to be, just take out the prefix, Hindu, Buddist etc and its all the same. One thing really struck a chord though and this was the part about forgiveness. I so struggle with this one. But when the DL said that we should look upon someone who has hurt us as a spiritual teacher, and although this concept is not new to me, suddenly I felt a whole lot of tension leaving my body. Something that I have not been able to do through endless sessions of forgiveness therapies/ meditations etc. Really, it took him to say it, in context and in the teachings and suddenly I got it. Finally a release. How can it get better than that ?? ......

Back Home

We are home for 1 day before we set off to Manchester to see the Dalai Lama. I will be attending the 2 days teaching he is doing and Dennis will attend the public talk. I am really looking forward to it and will update my findings later.  Morocco turned out ok in the end. We found a really good restaurant that also served alcohol so I was happy. The weather was amazing, hot during the day and cool at night. Which means you do get a good nights sleep. It was a good rest for Dennis and a really good opportunity for me to reflect on my Bali trip. So many things happened there and I guess I needed time to get my head around my feelings about it. I do feel a change has occurred- apart from my eyes being bluer than before ( isnt that weird)? I feel part of a very large family, spiritually I mean. I also feel more settled in that I can now see a way forward. I think the ceremony on the beach, leaving the big C there was a really good idea. Somehow it just brought everything together, and drew a line under it all. I really do feel re- born, my spirit has been lifted and I am ready to share it all. Life is for living and I fully intend to do as much of that as I can.
 I am restarting my therapies- a new room is being created in the shop. However I am going to concentrate on the spiritual aspect of my therapies as I now feel more than ever that is my path. So I will offer Reiki, Crystal Healing, Meditation Tuition, Bars Therapy, and Ear Candling. I also intend to write some more, particularly on my experiences in Bali.  I am also volunteering for the Pink Rose Suite and will hopefully become a contact for women newly diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  I will speak to those that ask to speak to someone who has gone through the experience. I have to see a psychologist first and get a bit a training, but I am looking forward to helping as I know how frightening it all is when first diagnosed and how isolated you feel.  Even with the support of all my good friends, it really helped me when I spoke to Angela who had been through it and survived, it was good to be able to ask her all the questions I felt too silly to ask the medical people. This is my way of giving something back, so I hope I am able to do it justice.
Anyhow better go and sort packing, I have a date with his Holiness....

53- got there !!

Well here I am in Casablanca on my 53rd birthday. Wow cant believe I made it !! 53 I mean.
Casablanca is not so wonderful. Its terribly expensive, the weather is all over the place. Morroccan's dont smile - ever. And all the food has meat in it. Vegetarian is just not in their vocabularly. And to add insult to injury, most of the restuarants are dry, but they all smoke like trains at the table !! We thought about moving to Rabat, but I just cant be bothered to make all the arrangements so we will stick it out here. Its got a nice pool, which is too cold for them, but lovley for me, so spent most of yesterday swimming underwater with the mermaid energy !! And the beds are comfy and the room quiet.  Now I have calmed down I realise that I do need a bit of quiet time to ponder Bali and the rest of my life !!!
Over to Ricks cafe for dinner tonight, off to the pool now to top up my tan, and breathe....
Happy Birthday to me !!!

Synchronicity strikes again !

Well its nearly here, another holiday, great ! And good for Dennis as he's been manning the shop as one of our girls is having a rough time. But hopefully we have sorted cover for our absence.
We are still planning Goa. As usual weird things are taking over. When we were in India in March I came across a book by Sri Sri Ravi Shanker, on healing, and discovered that he has an Ashram in Bangalore. They run courses there called 'art of living' which is based on a form of Yoga. I said that I would like to go there and take the course. We had 'pencilled' it in for sometime in the future, as you do. Then as I was reading about Goa I discovered that Bangalore is quite near ( a 9 hour train ride), which I had no idea about, but got me thinking. Then yesterday the lady who is going to train me to do Bars sent over details of a retreat they are doing in the UK and part of that entails Laughter Yoga ( which is why we are going to Goa) so suddenly Laughter Yoga keeps appearing, having never come across it before. The synchronicity is amazing, dont you think. SO now we are trying to arrange a weeks stay in Bangalore to do the Art of Living, then the amazing train journey to Goa so that we can do the Laughter Yoga course. Interestingly the completing the course will enable us both to become certified to take our own classes- so watch out ! And suddenly we have another epic journey and experience on our hands !! Which again appears to be ' pre ordained'. Dennis is also 'up' for doing both courses- he assures me he's not doing them for my sake ( not sure if I believe that). And breathe...
So first we are going to Morocco, with the purpose of being still and resting in the sunshine. I am really looking forward to that and to celebrating another Birthday ( another huge bonus that at times I was not expecting) I am soo looking forward to being 53, another milestone- bring on 54 !!

Marrekesh express

Ok so here we are - its nearly Diamond Jubilee weekend. Queen Elizabeth has been on the throne for sixty years. What an achievement whichever way you look at it! Am trying to get everything together in readiness for our holiday to Morocco next week. 10 days in the sun. Am really looking forward to it. It will also enable me to lie back and relax ( not that I havnt been doing that)  But this should give me much more time to lie and dream and plan.  It will be good for Dennis too as he needs a rest after taking care of everything in my absence.
I have been researching more about Balinese culture and healing, which has been very interesting and thought provoking.  I haved stopped dreaming of Bali, at least for the past two nights. So maybe it is out of my system. Although I am not sure I want it to be. Time will tell.
I am feeling good, which is heartening. I was speaking to a girl yesterday whos mother had a lumpectomy followed by radiation, and she has had a terrible time. She suffered infection from the Op, then really bad burns from the Radiotherapy. And now her boob has swelled due to fluid build up which they are trying to drain.
My experience sounds like a walk in the park compared to hers..........

Back in the Now

Being back home has proved more difficult than I thought. Although I am happy to be home, I just cant seem to be bothered to get anything done. I need to be alone and left simply with my thoughts, and I seem to be content to be this way for hours. I was also dreaming about Bali every night for the first week, stupid stunted dreams that I usually forgot most of when I woke up. Then one night this week I dreamt that on the way home from Bali I got left behide ( just outside a small town in Norfolk !) somehow I got into this old building and couldnt find my way out. My mobile phone didnt work so I couldnt phone anyone. Eventually I got out the building and was able to phone Dennis to tell him where I was !! Since that dream I have felt a little more here in the now. It was as it a little part of me did get left behind and has just caught up with me, through that dream. I know, it sounds bizarre, but that is how I feel.
The other thing is people keep commenting on my eyes, they say they have changed colour to a much deeper blue. In fact one of the ladies I met on the holiday asked me if I was wearing coloured contacts, as did Sue when she saw me the other night!  All I know is I am as blind as a bat, cant read a thing now without my glasses. But I can see what they mean, I dont spend a lot of time looking at my eyes, but since so many have commented I have been looking. And they do seem bluer, in fact there is a darker blue ring around my Iris that I dont think was there before. Cant explain that one.
As for my feelings about the trip. I still cant fully quantify anything. All I know is something in me is changing and has changed. I still feel the pull of the lady healer and her ancestors. I told Emma that I didnt think I would go back next year as I didnt think I would feel the need. However some of that is changing. Now I'm not so sure that I could say no, knowing all the others are going back. Its like theres some unfinished business. Well I will throw that one out to the Universe, and let it decide .....