Ok I have breast cancer - If I keep saying it it must be true. I found a lump during my recent holiday to Nepal. Mad isnt it ?? I check my breasts at least every month, how did i miss this big lump ?? And now to find it when we are away - talk about timing. Anyhow I put it to the back of my mind until we arrived home a few days later and made an appointment to see my Doctor and within 2 weeks of my return here I am in the suite of the Breast Clinic being informed that I have an ' agressive' form - level 3, I will have to have a CT scan for secondaries and shall need a complete masectomy ( if I keep saying it it must be true ) followed my months of chemo and to top it off radiotheraphy. I guess this is assuming I dont have secondaries- I dont know yet what happens if they find those, but my imagination is having a real good guess and it isnt good.
Anyhow I am a real positive person and there is no room for that Monkey in my mind to saboutage my life so I am not going to listen to it.
I have a lot of Angels in my life - now I dont mean airy fairy Angels I mean real live people. They started appearing in my life about 4 / 5 years ago and I have amassed quite a few. They come from all walks of life and are all over the UK and abroad. I knew each time I met them there was a reason for it- now I think I know that reason. If fact they are proving it to me daily in many ways- If you are one of them you will know this too and I thank you for it.
The latest one I met yesterday. Being a rather vain person, when one of my Angels suggested I look at semi permanent make up I rang a shop just down the road from my shop. Actually I rang another number first, but as that didnt answer I remembered this shop and rang it - you see the Universe steps in and guides me when I need it. Anyhow I have discoverd that this Angel has had a double masectomy, actually that was the first thing she told me. She then asked if I would like to see her new reconstructed breasts. Now you see thats been one of the rubs - part of me liked the ideal of becoming an Amazionian women ( you know the ones who cut off their breasts so they could shoot better with bows and arrows ) and I have seen a newspaper article of women who had decided not to have reconstruction and I remember a beautiful photo of a woman who had a tatto of ivy going all the way down her body and thru the Mastectomy ( keep saying it) scar.
However now having seen and felt these wonderful breasts I am really reconsidering my options. I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon next week to discuss this, and I now feel a lot happier in considering this option. If fact I now feel a lot happier- this may turn out to be the lull between the storm I know, but talking to someone who has been to Hell and back frankly about my fears has been very cathartic.
