Nailed it

What horrible weather, doesnt look like we will be having much of a summer this year. I am sitting in my shed and its thundering and lightening all around. Quite spectacular.
 I am the proud owner of some lovely long purple nails. You might think whats so unsual about that. Well it wasnt so long ago that my nails were black and falling out. Oh its so good to be normal again. Watched an interview with Tricia- the chat show host earlier today. She had breast cancer a little while ago. She has been given a contract in America and she was saying she still lives in fear of 'it' coming back. She said that she is even more concerned since she got the American deal, as it like- everythings so good, something ' bad' has got to happen. I so know how she feels. My treatment room is coming on and will be ready end of next week, so I will be back in business at last. Ive had such a wonderful 6 months, with much more to come. But I do feel like Tricia, at times. Cant help it,' Its' always there. Like a bad smell that you cant locate. Nothing you can do but recognise the fear, accept it and carry on. Its just part and parcel of the whole deal.
On a lighter note I am off to Stoke on Trent tomorrow to meet up with Karen and Emma to do a Access Bars course ( my lastest therapy). We will have a brilliant time I know. It will be so good to catch up and share our thoughts regarding our Bali experience. I know my feelings have changed a lot over the few weeks we have been back so I cant wait to hear whats happened to them. And it will be great to learn something new I always enjoy that.......

Bali - Melukat

I really was nervous. Having watched everyone else go through their first Melakut ceremony, only Karen and I were left. It was my turn next. I had just a few minutes earlier received my diagnosis. During it I was told that in a previous life I had been a Gladiator that I had received mortal wounds but had survived. He had asked to look at my back, where he confirmed he could see the scars from these old wounds carried forward into this life.  In fact not only did I survive but I was able to return to the ring and continue, ruthless and unbeatable. In this present life he had told me that I had a mind full of ideas, which constantly distracted me from my course, which I had to agree with.  Slightly alarmingly he could also feel the detritus of the cancer in my right ring finger.  He told me that my upper Chakra’s had closed, which didn’t surprise me in the least, in fact I was aware that they had shut down during the course of Chemotherapy I had endured only months before.  It made sense to me that only my two lower Chakra’s were fully open as they represent survival and grounding, the only things I had really concentrated on. He told me he would remove the busy-ness of my mind and remove any remains of the cancer and reopen my closed Chakra’s during the various Melukat’s we would be having over the next two weeks.  I was hooked, this was after all what I had come to Bali for. 

And now it was my turn, with a quick last glance at Karen who had to endure one further session watching mine, I walked over to my Melukat.  This Melukat was a large terracotta urn full of water and the most beautiful flowers of Bali. We each had our own individual prescription and as I was a ‘nine’ that was the number of different flower combinations in my urn. The Ceremony started by my holding a combination of flowers and a lighted josh stick in the ends of my fingers. My hands where held above my head in a prayer position and I was given a moment in which to pray. My prayer was obvious, as would be all the prayers and affirmations that followed. Simply, to be healthy.  Then as I handed the Josh stick over to his wife who was assisting, I was instructed to lay my hands palms up, in the position of acceptance. He said a prayer, blessed the Melukat and placed crystals inside. Then it started. Prior to the session we had been advised by one of the other girls who had been here before to time our breathing. To breathe in when he filled the huge ladle and to breathe out through the mouth as the water flowed over our heads.  Seemed like a good plan. However when the first ladle hit I was suddenly thrust into a blind panic. It’s a totally sensory experience. Firstly of the fragrantly laced cold water and then suddenly a deprivation of sight, oxygen and body heat as he continuously ladle’s the water over your head, chanting all the time.  I was completely on my own, isolated from the world, deprived of breath, aware only of the water endlessly pouring and the flowers falling into my lap.  Then from somewhere deep inside me a sound started to rise up. I wanted to stop it but I could not as this powerful sound came from my soul, primal, mystical, and animal.  A long deep guttural wail I was unable to control, it was part of me but an old part, not of this lifetime.  Centuries of old hurt, pain and suffering.  Rushing up from the depths, coming up to the surface, to freedom and release.  The water poured on and the wail, as loud as ever continued.  I have no idea how my body took in Oxygen, I was only aware of the power of the release and the sound.

 And then it was over and sobs racked my body, just a couple, which I think were my own. Shock and acceptance of what had just left me. He held my head very gently and blew into my crown Chakra and gave me a blessing.   I sat there while his wife poured the contents of a golden coconut over my head and a blessing of rice was placed on my forehead and shoulders, and I was given the opportunity to pray some more. I thanked the Universe for what had just taken place, although it would be some time before I was able to fully process in any depth the magnitude of it, I knew that it was all for the good. My body felt so light, my hands where tingling, all my nerve endings felt alive, invigorated.  I rested there, with the heat of the Bali sun warming and drying my body and felt truly reconnected and at peace.

Trance Dancing in Bali

She was the embodiment of Kuan Yin. Dancing majestically amongst us, and we like clumsy hand maidens, were dancing to music that was alien yet strangely familiar. As we danced eyes closed minds empty, she moved amongst us, blowing Universal energy straight from the Cosmo’s into us. Each exhalation taking us deeper into the altered state. On we danced feeling  freer and lighter with every movement.  I began to feel that I was on the bottom of the Ocean, like an Anemone my arms had become frilly tentacles ebbing and flowing with the waves. Then I smelt the familiar scent all around me and part of me realised she was close by.  Her hand caught mine and our fingers entwined, and we were together as one floating through space and time. Ancient, yet young.  Weightless and free.  Eternal.  Her energy body  white  and filling the room, mingling with mine, my own expanding outwards to meet hers.  Our earthly bodies’ just vehicles for our souls, in this dance, fully present in the now.

 Then she was gone, moved by spirit to someone else. And I was back in the Ocean. Ebbing and flowing. Aware of  the others movements around me.  Belonging in the moment, feeling the love. 

And now again the familiar scent and she was back, this time behind me blowing into the back of my head and stroking her hand down my spine.  My body felt liquid as though it was really only a column of water supported by the energy flowing around me. Then she moved in front of me and her hand brushed over what was left of my right breast, very gently and subtly, hardly touching me at all. I felt loved by something so much bigger than me or her. I felt the compassion of the universe flow from her hands into my body. I felt so free and happy, like a small child dancing with her mother. I knew I had a huge smile on my face and with renewed energy I continued my dance with my small group of friends. We had gathered here through some strange compulsion that led each of us to say yes to my friend’s invitation to join her on her return to Bali to meet this woman along with other healers and to join in with their ritual ceremonies.  We had no idea of what to expect and I certainly went with an open mind, grateful that I had survived the radical medical treatments I had undergone just a few months earlier. And now at last, here we were each of us in our own Trance Dance each weaving energy , our own and one another’s, creating a massive whirlpool of energy so tangible that you could almost see it through your closed eyes.   It all felt so natural, so normal, no one feeling embarrassed or awkward. Just trusting and allowing our bodies to move with the music and freeing our spirits to embrace what was unfolding.  We had entered’ Niskala’, the inner unseen energy underlying the pageant and ceremony in Balinese Hinduism.  We were separate yet one, powerful, yet compassionate, huge yet tiny.  We truly were light workers and sky walker’s.

Summer Solistice

Well here I am a year later, much stronger and recovered from the ravages of my treatment. Looking back to last Solstice day when I stayed up to see the sun rise ( but actually gave up and went to bed) I have done so many things that I probably wouldnt have, had the C thing not happened.
We went back to Nepal- earlier than we would have,  and we went to Menri and met his Holiness and witnessed the masked dance, and stayed in Shimla. I had past life regression, which was facinating and I still have work to do on the results of that.  Then 6 weeks later I went off to Bali and had a life changing time in so many ways. Then a couple of weeks later Dennis and I took off to Morocco for  a restful time of reflection. We have a couple of weekends planned in the UK, and are still looking at going off to Goa in November.  AND now also going back to Bali next April, as I feel now in retrospect I have some unfinished business there.
It is amazing how liberating a serious illness can be. It really puts everything into perpective. Life takes on a whole new meaning.  For example I no longer worry about growing old, rather look upon that as a cause for celebration- should it happen. I never did worry much about what other people think so now thats completely gone. I dont stress about anything as life's too short.  I try to live in the moment and enjoy as much as I can.
Ha!  longest day and as I type this in my shed at 10.15 am, it is nearly dark !! The rain is pouring down, its more like midwinter than midsummer. I'm almost too cold and thinking about putting the heater on, can you believe it ? You see the weather is like life. You expect because its mid June that the sun will be shining, Strawberries will be ready for picking, the gardens in full bloom. But Mother nature has other ideas, she is not bound by our expectations.  She decides to send cold wet weather just when we least expect it, and then warm rain free winters that lead us into drought situations. Same with life, sometimes you have to make the best of unexpected events.  As for me I'm going out to dance in the rain !! Happy Summer Solstice

The Dalai Lama

What a brilliant couple of days and a great way to end a holiday. Firstly I love Manchester, we lived there for about 4 years in the late 80's and I loved it then. So much has changed there -since the IRA blew most of the center up after we left ( luckily)  Mancunians are so friendly and we got that as soon as we got to the hotel. Such a change from Morocco. The hotel which was near the Arena was full of attendees ( you can spot them a mile off, middle to old aged, mostly female ( sounds familiar?)  very drab, awful clothes and no make up, hair long, and that includes their armpits !  ( not familiar). And a few monks. I saw a lady that had attended one of the Glastonbury events, but I didnt speak to her. Mind you she didnt speak to me at those events, I reckon I looked just too dam glamourous to be considered as worthy.  I think a good waxing, haircut and a 10 years younger makeover and she would look great. But I guess thats attachment and grasping ( I'm obviously good at that) But I do find myself asking why ' spiritual women' have to let themselves go. Does that not give Spiritualism a bad image?  Maybe I'm wrong , and I know I am not perfect, but whenever I go to these events they all huddle together and appear to be having deep meaniful conversations. They never have a laugh and let their hair down amd just chill. Which is weird because part of the Dalai Lama 's presentation was about enjoying this life and being free from self imposed constraints. And all the Buddists & Bon monks I have ever met ( and by now I have met a few, in the UK , Nepal, and India) are all fun loving free hearted spirits. So once again I found myself thinking these ladies have their heads up their bottoms. Its just my opinion but when I see them I understand why ' normal' people might get a bit scared.  However I accept they might look at me and think I am not serious enough and silly,  however for once I feel I am able to  challenge that opinion.  For once I do believe that I have enough experience and knowledge on the subject to be considered at the very least their equal. Do you realise how wonderful it feels to be able to write that, at last ?
Anyhow, as I walked over to the arena my mind wandered back to when I used to work in the city and it felt good, old memories, but fond. Having said that I would not want to return to city living, but it felt good to revisit old haunts.
As for the Dalai Lama, he was ace. So charismatic and up to date. He was facinating and down to earth.  On Saturday he gave a free presentation to under 25's, and was assisted by Russell Brand. According to the Newspapers they both did a great double act. Some might think this a strange coupling, but Russell Brand does Transcendental meditation - as does yours truly- and has helped tutor ex military in the US in this discipline. Once again highlighting the fact that you dont have to be boring and pious to gain or impart the benefits of spiritualism. Anyhow part of the DL's teaching was on the 8 ways to train the mind. So much of this reflected the Marharishi's teaching in transcendental movement, that once again I couldnt help but realise how related all this stuff appears to be, just take out the prefix, Hindu, Buddist etc and its all the same. One thing really struck a chord though and this was the part about forgiveness. I so struggle with this one. But when the DL said that we should look upon someone who has hurt us as a spiritual teacher, and although this concept is not new to me, suddenly I felt a whole lot of tension leaving my body. Something that I have not been able to do through endless sessions of forgiveness therapies/ meditations etc. Really, it took him to say it, in context and in the teachings and suddenly I got it. Finally a release. How can it get better than that ?? ......

Back Home

We are home for 1 day before we set off to Manchester to see the Dalai Lama. I will be attending the 2 days teaching he is doing and Dennis will attend the public talk. I am really looking forward to it and will update my findings later.  Morocco turned out ok in the end. We found a really good restaurant that also served alcohol so I was happy. The weather was amazing, hot during the day and cool at night. Which means you do get a good nights sleep. It was a good rest for Dennis and a really good opportunity for me to reflect on my Bali trip. So many things happened there and I guess I needed time to get my head around my feelings about it. I do feel a change has occurred- apart from my eyes being bluer than before ( isnt that weird)? I feel part of a very large family, spiritually I mean. I also feel more settled in that I can now see a way forward. I think the ceremony on the beach, leaving the big C there was a really good idea. Somehow it just brought everything together, and drew a line under it all. I really do feel re- born, my spirit has been lifted and I am ready to share it all. Life is for living and I fully intend to do as much of that as I can.
 I am restarting my therapies- a new room is being created in the shop. However I am going to concentrate on the spiritual aspect of my therapies as I now feel more than ever that is my path. So I will offer Reiki, Crystal Healing, Meditation Tuition, Bars Therapy, and Ear Candling. I also intend to write some more, particularly on my experiences in Bali.  I am also volunteering for the Pink Rose Suite and will hopefully become a contact for women newly diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  I will speak to those that ask to speak to someone who has gone through the experience. I have to see a psychologist first and get a bit a training, but I am looking forward to helping as I know how frightening it all is when first diagnosed and how isolated you feel.  Even with the support of all my good friends, it really helped me when I spoke to Angela who had been through it and survived, it was good to be able to ask her all the questions I felt too silly to ask the medical people. This is my way of giving something back, so I hope I am able to do it justice.
Anyhow better go and sort packing, I have a date with his Holiness....

53- got there !!

Well here I am in Casablanca on my 53rd birthday. Wow cant believe I made it !! 53 I mean.
Casablanca is not so wonderful. Its terribly expensive, the weather is all over the place. Morroccan's dont smile - ever. And all the food has meat in it. Vegetarian is just not in their vocabularly. And to add insult to injury, most of the restuarants are dry, but they all smoke like trains at the table !! We thought about moving to Rabat, but I just cant be bothered to make all the arrangements so we will stick it out here. Its got a nice pool, which is too cold for them, but lovley for me, so spent most of yesterday swimming underwater with the mermaid energy !! And the beds are comfy and the room quiet.  Now I have calmed down I realise that I do need a bit of quiet time to ponder Bali and the rest of my life !!!
Over to Ricks cafe for dinner tonight, off to the pool now to top up my tan, and breathe....
Happy Birthday to me !!!

Synchronicity strikes again !

Well its nearly here, another holiday, great ! And good for Dennis as he's been manning the shop as one of our girls is having a rough time. But hopefully we have sorted cover for our absence.
We are still planning Goa. As usual weird things are taking over. When we were in India in March I came across a book by Sri Sri Ravi Shanker, on healing, and discovered that he has an Ashram in Bangalore. They run courses there called 'art of living' which is based on a form of Yoga. I said that I would like to go there and take the course. We had 'pencilled' it in for sometime in the future, as you do. Then as I was reading about Goa I discovered that Bangalore is quite near ( a 9 hour train ride), which I had no idea about, but got me thinking. Then yesterday the lady who is going to train me to do Bars sent over details of a retreat they are doing in the UK and part of that entails Laughter Yoga ( which is why we are going to Goa) so suddenly Laughter Yoga keeps appearing, having never come across it before. The synchronicity is amazing, dont you think. SO now we are trying to arrange a weeks stay in Bangalore to do the Art of Living, then the amazing train journey to Goa so that we can do the Laughter Yoga course. Interestingly the completing the course will enable us both to become certified to take our own classes- so watch out ! And suddenly we have another epic journey and experience on our hands !! Which again appears to be ' pre ordained'. Dennis is also 'up' for doing both courses- he assures me he's not doing them for my sake ( not sure if I believe that). And breathe...
So first we are going to Morocco, with the purpose of being still and resting in the sunshine. I am really looking forward to that and to celebrating another Birthday ( another huge bonus that at times I was not expecting) I am soo looking forward to being 53, another milestone- bring on 54 !!