Party celebrating Eyelashes

I still  have some eyelashes so am having the girls round tonite to celebrate the fact. Well its a good excuse for a real good blowout. Cant stand alcohol for about a week and a half after chemo, but thankfully the rest of the time am slurping away quite happily. So tonite we shall have a shed party complete with BBQ ( weather doesnt look great) but who cares, us girls will have some fun.  Have some nice bubbly pinot in the fridge chillin and feelin good.

Had a lovely couple of days in Whitby- my spiritual birthplace, discussing what I want to do with the rest of my life. Havnt fully decided what yet, although I dont want to continue in the othodox manner. I deffinately want to travel more and follow my spiritual path to wherever the universe wants me to be. There's nothing like staring death in the face to make you decide your priorities, and boy do I have some. Just gotta get this bloody Chemo finished - am like a dog with a bone or a horse chomping on the bit !!  Simon said I have to look out for opportunities falling into my lap and not to dimiss them because of practicalities, so here I am - lap open and waiting and into my in box comes an email from a dear friend giving me lots of food for thought .... I love the Universe

Spirit moved me

Had a very interesting experience at the MBS fair on Sunday. I had booked with  a medium for a reading at the last show in January ( before my diagnosis) so thought what the hell may as well go and see what he has to say. First thing was why wasnt I teaching - followed by why wasnt I in more contact with the spirit world as I am sensitive, followed by why dont I do more writing. I nearly fell off my chair. All this before he even got round to my health.  The general thing was I should use this experience to help others with cancer either by writing or teaching. That I should join a circle with a view to contacting spirit as they want to contact me. I shall have a base in this country and another somewhere else. I shall sign a contract and make a big investment in November. Spirit told him that I shall make a complete recovery from this, and that I was shown this way to enable me to use this experience to go on and help others. Flip, gonna be busy eh ?? Funny thing is we have been discussing all of the above points - except the spirit thing. When he asked me why I dont give spirit more time I told him its because I am very skeptical of it, he told me the same thing my very good friend Chris Wade tells me- You wont get anywhere by being skeptical- you have to learn to trust and except.  Anyhow there were loads of other bits- I have them all on CD. It was a really interesting experience- lets hope it all comes true - eh ?? Oh and I hope you like my lastest pics - thought it was about time I came out ......

FECkin HELL

Bloody hell what a couple of days !!! Been to Hell and back. After a pretty good start to my last FEC I woke up on Sunday feelin tired, by Monday I felt like I was dying !! If fact I almost wished I could a couple of times. I rang the hospital to check if they could do anything, they said my blood count was very good ( so I couldnt be anaemic ) and that this was a side effect due to the accumilation of the Chemo.  Spent the day in bed feeling very sorry for myself and contemplating the rest of my life, which I decided would be only completely what I wanted to do, on the basis that time might be running out. If it wasnt and I live to be 80 or so then what a result !! 
A diva for 30 years - apologies to the rest of you.
Anyhow pleased to say this morning that I am feeling much better, have arranged to go to Matlock tomorrow to my Transcendental master for checking on my meditation methods. Got an appointment at the Odessey center in Barton on friday ( they give treatments to people who have had cancer )  then  in the shop on Saturday  , MBS fair on Sunday and over to Whitby Mon/ Tues. And so on !! See, back up and running on full throttle- life's for living .....

Feckin FEC

What a day I had on Thursday. Apparently my veins knew what was coming and decided to shrink back into my body - can this be so?? Anyhow after waiting for an hour to get the bloody stuff it took 6 attempts to insert the canula into a vein. And please bear in mind each time they have to find a new vein. After attempt number four I almost decided the Universe was say 'NO' not today, and was tempted to tell them all where to stick it ( as they couldnt stick it in me). Then an ultra sound machine appeared and after 2 attempts the canula was inserted- why oh why didnt they get the machine through before then ?? My nurse had bad energy and I was stuck there for another one and a half hours with her injecting it thru. I was dreading the last FEC and my thoughts obviously followed through.  Ah well thats all over and done with now and am pleased to report so far side effects are not as bad as last time. I have however reached baldness totality - even the bit of stubble that was coming thru fell out over the last couple of days. I have however managed to retain my eyelashes and stubbornly my eyebrows. I have celebrated my eyelashes by investing in some new mascara that adds volume, lenght and bells and whistles and am enjoying my facial hair.  Its great havin really smooth legs - and other places that we wont go into right now.  Have also to add am loving my new cleavage, cant wait to get out there and show it off , shame the weathers so crap ...

I have a cleavage ( again)

OMG had a fantastic hour at the Breast clinic. There my consultant Jenny Smith inserted a needle into the port inside my booby - to those who have felt it - the bit that felt like a crumpled crisp packet. And injected saline into it to plump out and fill my tissue cavity. I must say at this point it didnt hurt a bit. The result is a very perk 'b'cup which is very full at the top which means with a underwire push em up and out ie my £ 8 tesco bra I have a very convincing bustline.  Jenny was very impressed with the way my scars have healed although there was a bit of concern that my new booby looked a little paler than my right one. So I had to fess up that I have been on the sunbeds ( and cover the left one ). I also told her that my scars healing so well had to be down to the effects of my Collagen bed. She hadnt heard of one of those so it was an educational sesson for both of us.  All in all a good day and although my new booby keeps getting in the way - right arm keeps bumping into it I am well pleased with the results.
Now the crap bit- am off soon to have my third and final round of FEC ( lifegiving elixir) oh what suprises does it have in store for me this time. Good news is this is the last one. I must also say that I really feel the love that you all are sending me- all these messages of good wishes uplift me and support me in ways that suprise me still, so I want to say a big thank you to you all  and it just occured to me that SOL could also be 'the summer of love '  XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What a week

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Phew busy week, Mon/ Tues spent on a Meridian Massage course in Grantham being taught by Stefan who has wonderful energy. He worked on my Bladder Meridian and I could feel my body re connecting. I got to my hotel on Monday evening and slept like a baby, which I dont normally do in a strange bed. Met up with Jennifer on the course so was good to see a freindly face and catch up. It also did me good to do something ' normal' and challenging. I was unsure how my arm would cope with doing a massage but it was fine.

Then down to healing Glastonbury for 3 days. We went to Chalice Well and I drank the healing water- which tastes rusty, although Dennis said he couldnt taste anything . Then on Thursday we visited Avebury and had a lovely day walking around the standing stones and then walking around the manor house gardens and visitor centre. Then in the car for a short drive to West Kennett long barrow. Its a wonderful place out in the middle of a field. You can walk right into it and at the end someone had lit a candle. I left a flower offering and we just stood there soaking in the peace of the place- lovely.  Then back to Glastonbury where I had a healing session of crystal meditation followed by a tibetian bowl sound bath- which gave me a revelation in relation to how I feel about my current situation. Then later to meet up with my dear friend Em, we had a lot of catching up to do. Isnt it great when you meet up with someone after a while and you both fall into that easy conversation you have with friends you see more often? We spent an easy Saturday- well it was after I recovered from my walk up the Tor !, wandering around the Abbey grounds before having to leave for home, always such a shame when you are having a good time. Wew, see a great week , now it gets serious - I have to be at the Breast clinic for 8.30 tomorrow to have my tissue expander inflated and then dreaded Thursday - my third and final FEC chemo. Shall have a small celebration to celebrate reaching halfway through Chemo I think before I enter the unknown and experience the final three doses of Texotar- Bring it on !!!!......

Sooo busy

This week has flown by, I dont know where its gone. Feeling back to old self but developed loads of fine lines around my mouth. When I told Dennis to look at them in Sainsbury's he stood and laughed. When I asked what was so funny he said ' you've got cancer, you've had an op and two lots of chemo and all you're worried about is a few lines on your face ' I could see his point, but they have appeared really suddenly, I look all prune like. Anyhow have bought loads more creams and applying more than before, I think the chemo must dehydrate your skin, ah well just another side effect, can fix it with Botox an fillers when Chemo over I suppose. I do remember thinking Kylie and Bernie Nolan looked older when they had come through this, and they would have loads more access to stuff than I do, ah well older looking and alive or smooth faced and dead, I know which one I'm choosing an it aint the one where I'm wearing white !.

Am doing a course on Meridian massage on Mon / Tues at UK Holistics in Grantham. Booked it at New year and when this happened I assumed I wouldnt be able to go. But I am really looking forward to learning a new therapy, especially as its an energy treatment based on the meridians. The guy that teaching it is well into Reiki and energy, we shall be working on one another, so hopefully he will be able to find where I'm blocked and be able to shift it for me.  I will hopefully also catch up with Chris and Sally who I know will be inspirational and give me a good kick up the bum !! Then Wed down to Glastonbury - the heart chakra of the world ( Mnt Everest being the Crown, pyramids being third eye- cant remember the others) its such a healing place to be. Shall visit Chalice well, the Goddess Temple, the Tor, the Abbey and also visiting Avebury. Shall also catch up with my dear friend Emma, we will have so much to talk about and share. What a week !!!  Shall enlighten you all on my return .........