New Years Eve 2012

Well here we are on the cusp of the old year of 2012 and  looking forward to 2013. As you do at this time of the year I am looking back and reflecting. And for me, what a year its been. I guess you could say its been the best year of my life. And that in  a very big part is because of the 'C'. Without it I would never have travelled so extensively as I have this year, I would never have had the experiences or the memories. In January I did my Master of Mediumship in Newcastle with Simon Goodfellow and a chance to catch up with Suzi and Karen. Then a stand at the MBS fair to let people know I was back in business. Dennis's birthday party in February, a real snowy night.
My travels started in February with a return to Nepal and included that wonderful stay at the Menri Monastry where we watched the day long celebrations for Losher the Tibetan New Year and met and talked with his Holiness and the young monks. Wonderful, fascinating.  The 4 hour train journey up high into the Himalayas to Shimla, pulsating Delhi. The tranquility of Lumbini - Buddha's birthplace.

In March I had a second Tattoo done, a Blue Lotus that we had found on the Yogi Temple at Menri. And a wonderful Reiki weekend with Suzi and Emma.

Then in April a Meditation Teachers course and then off to Bali to experience Niskala and dance in trance with a powerful energetic healer. To suddenly discover after all these years that I can put my head underwater and survive ! As we swam underwater up rivers and into waterfalls to drink the healing water as part of a very powerful re- birthing ceremony.  To discover one of my past lives as a Gladiator ( which makes perfect sense now) as a healer read my Aura and energy. To climb up and up into open air temples to participate in Hindu ceremonies under the moonlight. Magical, enchanting., unexplainable. I can back with very Blue eyes and a renewed zest for life.

Then to Morocco in June for a restful holiday and a chance to lie by the pool and read , I found a wonderful book that helped me to make sense of some of the Bali experiences, and to plan future trips. On our return we spend a weekend in Manchester where I saw the Dalai Lama, such an inspirational man. I learnt a few things that weekend.
At the end of the month myself, Emma and Karen met up in Stoke to attend a Bars class, something we had experienced in Bali and now wanted to do for ourselves.
In July the second MBS Fair and a little work !
In August we had a few days in Ravenscar near Whitby and I did a little work !
September we visited Glastonbury and met up with Emma once again and I got to visit Lyme Regis, a place I had always wanted to go to since I was a fossil mad 7 year old.
At the end of the month we went to Spain. Dennis stayed by the pool whilst I attended a Physical Mediumship course, what an experience that was ! 
October was a quiet month, did a little work!

In November we travelled to Thailand, we saw ladyboys in Bangkok, the beautiful Grand Palace and the Reclining Buddha, we flew to Chiang Mai and experienced a Tuk Tuk ride and participated in Monks chat at the Chedi.  We lit sky lanterns on the riverbank and dodged firecrackers thrown by the local teenagers. We were blessed by monks in the many temples we wandered into. Then to the Beach, which was not what we hoped it would be but nonetheless it was enjoyable. The sea was so warm and we had a midnight skinny dipping session, just like a couple of kids! Then back to Bangkok to buy a huge Buddha that poor Dennis had to carry home, and Loy Krathong. That last night was magical, I think one of the best nights of my life. A river cruise with dinner in a wonderful carnival atmosphere. Sky lanterns filled the full moon sky and a huge firework display at one of the huge bridges. Then down into the bottom of the boat to float our own Loy Krathong out into the river, to give thanks to the River Goddess.

21st December found us back in Glastonbury to celebrate the ' end of time' with Emma at the Tor. Such a lovely day, the sun shone ( the day previous and the one after was torrential rain) as about 500 of us chanted ' Om' for 4 minutes at 11.11am the point of solstice.  Amazing feeling of peace, happiness and oneness and a load of giggles as we saw ourselves being as crazy as all the other crankies !!
So how does it get better than that? I have no idea.  Who would have thought on New Years Eve 2011 I would ever have the energy to get to Nepal?, I didnt ! Let alone the rest of my journies. If I had listened to the medical advice I would have just stayed at home and worked and then had my re-construction. A whole wonderful year would have been lost. I am so glad I listened to my heart and ignored my head. My experiences have introduced me to new friends and to exotic places, to the weird and the wonderful, so I suppose in a strange way I do have to be grateful to the ' C' for its visit. As for 2013? If 2011 was my summer of learning, 2012 my summer of living, I guess 2013 should be my summer of  loving- now what do you think that means?


 

Last night in Bangkok

What a wonderful journey. Today we have been back to the Hindu shrine to Erawan the Elephant God. We decided to return there because it was such an amazing place. A shrine right slap bang in the middle of Bangkoks fashionable area, flanked by Loius Vuitton and  Stella Macartney stores this shrine is alive and buzzing with the faithful. All families and young people- beautiful Thai girls in short skirts and platform shoes looking the epitome of cool kneeling down, praying and making offerings to Erawan, together with young males all sporting the latest baggy bummed pants and spiky hair. When did you last see people like that in a religious place in the UK ?  We sat on one of the benches and watched. We were the only Europeans there but we were made welcome with smiles. Try getting a smile from one of our church congregations.  It was lovely and peaceful in the middle of one of the most vibrant cities  on the planet ! I would also add that Bangkok is a city of smells, so much street food, vendors line all the streets offering so many different types of food. Some smell lovely, some smell disgusting to us but are very popular with locals. I have no idea whats in them, but fish, fresh or dried seems popular. I have to confess I shied away from trying some, which I am sure I will regret when I get home.  Considering how much living goes on in them, the streets are immaculate, no rubbish anywhere.  Public transport is cheap and easy even for us to follow and we were only potentially tricked once by a Tuk Tuk driver who asked if we could just get off and look at the shops he would stop off at on the way. Needless to say I sent him off with a flea in his ear and complained to the street guy that introduced us, whereby he got a taxi for us for the same money. You do have to be forceful with some of them so that they realise you are not for the taking. Even today as we walked out to the shrine they thought that we were going to the local shopping center and kept stopping to tell us it wasnt open.   Even though it actually was. I took great delight in telling them that we were actually ' enjoying a walk', have you ever tried it?  Apart from the hustlers, of which there aren't many, Bangkok and Thailand is well worth a visit. The hotels are great, the food is wonderful and ordinary Thai people and hotel staff are very friendly and helpful. For me the great part has been once again seeing how ' Buddhism and Hinduism' morphs and fuses yet again to suit the local culture and belief system.  In Bali it was all Durga and Ganeshe with a little Buddha, here its a lot of Buddha with Ganeshe and a little Erawan thrown in. Wonderful, once again a whole melting pot and fusion of Buddhism and Hinduism and no one gives a damn.  Oh and I should also point out that all the shops are decked out for Christmas. We have a lovely photo of a golden sleight with 10 foot high reindeer's that is sitting outside a department store just yards from the Erawan shrine !
Tonight we set off on our last adventure, dinner on a boat sailing past the Royal Palace and the Golden Mount to celebrate Loy Krathong on the full moon. On this night everyone flocks to the river or sea to float an offering or to light a lantern to the sea Goddess,  ( hindu in origin) to give thanks for the end of the monsoon and the supply of water and to also apologise for the pollution that has been caused. We have booked a boat trip because it seems difficult to get to the small piers to float our own, through the crowds. Tonight is the night I had planned to make my offering to the sea Goddess to give thanks for this last year, so I am looking forward to it and will remember my night on the beach in Bali when we held our own ceremony to bid farewell to the big C.

Nothing more, Nothing less

Thought I'd better do a blog as Ive only done one since we have been in Thailand. Time is moving so quickly and its hard to believe we only have 5 days left !!  I am writing this in our hotel suite and listening to BBC world news that is reporting on protests being held today in Bangkok against the prime minister!

I have amassed an amazing number of mozzie bites all over. I think most of them came from Chiang Mai and Koh Sumet. Keeping a careful eye on the ones on my right arm and hand, but what can I do, they love me, even though I cover myself in disgusting repellant they have still managed to get me. Dennis on the other hand has none, how can that be? Still its no suprise when I get them, I should be used to it by now.

The hotel we are in is wonderful, we have a suite which has its own lounge area seperate from the bedroom. The hotel ajoins a huge indoor shopping Mall. In fact I dont ever have to venture out of either as they both provide everything.

We have been out visiting more Wats. Yesterday we went to the ' Temple of the Golden Mount' Where we climbed right up to the top. We were soaked in sweat when we got to the top, but it was worth it, the view over Bangkok was wonderful. The temple complex was vast and they were busy preparing for some sort of celebration today. There were all kinds of stalls selling food and a fairground was being erected, so I think we chose the right day.  Right at the top of the mount is a beautiful golden Stupa and part of the celebration is to cover the golden spire in a red cloth. The visitors were able to write all over it, I suppose messages to Buddha.  So Dennis wrote his name and I wrote ' Om Mani Padmi Hum' ' All hail the jewel in the Lotus' as I thought that appropriate as it links Nepal which is where my journey began.

So I have come full circle- bit like Micheal Palin!  What a spectacular year I have had. As we come to the close, not only of the year but also an epoch- the Mayan' end of time', I feel small, in a good way. I have seen and experienced so many wonderful things this year from staying in the Menri monastery to trance dancing with inspirational healers in Bali, to being blessed by monks in Thailand and all the other incredible stuff inbetween that make me realise how vast the world is. And the Universe beyond.  I realise that I am just a tiny little dot in that vast process, a blip, nothing more or less. A small part of the teeming human race that is covering and spoiling this planet.  I have had some bad luck, but following that I have been in a lucky position to be able to follow my dreams and desires. There is so much poverty and dispair in the world and so much happiness in having nothing. In the end we all arrive with nothing and we take nothing with us. My journey has been worth it, it has put everything into perspective.

 

Money exchanges in the Temple

Chiang Mai has been brilliant, such a nice city. The Wats ( temples) are everywhere and are so ‘ Bling ‘ with Gold compared to those in Nepal.  But of course this reflects the vast difference in economies and the countries wealth- past and present.  It is interesting to note that the immediate difference between the two is the commercial aspect thrust upon you in the Thai temples. ( This is not necessarily a criticism on the Thai’s) More a call to arms for their poorer fellow buddhists. We do after all see it all the time, foreigners flocking to the temples for a ‘ photo’ opportunity.  Blindly ignoring the dress codes and thrusting past locals on their knees in prayer, they stand before the altar and turning their backs ( very disrespectful) on the huge Golden Buddha’s they delightfully pose for a photo. Then they sail out towards their next photo opportunity without leaving so much as a penny. Such a pity that they do not take a few moments to inhale the spiritual essence of these places.  Even more of a pity that unless they actually have to pay to get in, which very few Wats charge, they do not put their hands into their pockets and leave a few Baht. After all its nothing to them in exchange for a lifelong memory. Every Baht left will be used to help the community of monks, especially the novices like the one we met yesterday. He was just 16 and a middle son, from a poor hill tribe family North of Chiang Mai. Whilst his elder brother shall inherit whatever parcel of land the family has owned through generations, the middle son usually ends up a monk. This is purely down to practical and economic reasons. By joining the Monastery aged 10 he is provided with an education( which I would argue far exceeds some of our schools), is fed and clothed and learns respect and discipline. When he reaches 18 he is free to leave or he can become a Monk- I should also add that a Thai man can become a monk or cease to be one at any age with little problem. What an opportunity these Wats provide, with no real ties other than observing the rules whilst they are in the care. How generous of a belief system that it can run so well like this and take care of its own.

The whole system is fascinating, the huge amounts of offerings the congregations are required to give – in order to gain merit in the next life are vast, and an entire industry has been built up around it. Flowers are brought in and traded at a large market. Small family run shops sell supplies that can be bought and gifted to monks that include things like robes, toiletries and incense. Small stalls surround the Wats selling things from water to sacred amulets to a full meal. Artisans create beautiful artefacts which shall be bought either by tourists or used in the Temples. Everywhere you look there is a hive of activity keeping the energy and the money flowing. A complete microcosmic economy, that employs thousands across the city. And they in turn help to keep the wheel turning by giving alms back to the Wats. And  look at our churches and cathedrals, falling apart around our ears. No one goes to them unless its for a wedding or funeral. They employ the clergy and sub contract out for other work. But how many people actually depend on them for existence? What could they do if they did ? ……

Alice- who the **** is Alice ??

Had a wonderful dinner last night overlooking the river, have to say the food here has been fabulous. And today we walked to the Old town, which is quite a way in this extreme heat. We took our time and wandered into a few shops and Wats ( temples) on the way. In one of the temples we each recieved a blessing from an old monk and then got conned into setting birds free. The birds are ' wild' and held in little cages, it is supposed to bring you good luck to set them free. However I have read that the birds are tame and therefore return, which just about sums it all up !!! Still for a £1 it had to be done! I am also as always amazed at how many Hindu Gods are in the Buddhist temples, I so love to see Ganeshe taking his pride of place outside, together with the Naga's Had lunch- which was a rather strange cheese sandwhich and then had a fish pedicure. Have to say there were none of the hygiene practices we observed when we had ours. Still it really helps to re-invigorate tired feet and got us back on our way. Got some brilliant footage of some novice monks chanting and still more blessings. But as Dennis pointed out we can never have too many. We got a Tuk Tuk back which was great fun and really cheap, so we will do that again. As I am writing this we have a huge White Rabbit which roams free around the place just settling down outside our verandah. Now I truly feel like Alice in Wonderland. And its dark, really hot at 6pm and I mean HOT and raining !! Surreal .

Chiang Mai

Here we are in Chiang Mai, we are staying in a lovely hotel, our room is in the middle of a beautiful garden. It reminds me of  the hotels in Bali. After the noise of Bangkok its really quiet, theres no sounds only a tinkle of water from the water feature outside our room and the occasional sound of an exotic bird !!
So nice to be out of Bangkok, although I enjoyed seeing it, I was getting a bit fed up with seeing old men with young girls. Last night as we came out of the hotel an English guy was warning his Thai girlfriend to behave herself, I really had to restrain myself as they had been at the pool earlier and he had been bossing her around then. It was embarrassing to say the least. Then we met a girl in our lift who said she was looking for room 1001, so we dropped her off on the 10th floor. I know its a way of life but I am not used to having it shoved in my face. I think if I stayed too long in Bangkok I would have to become a madam and get these girls organised and get the guys to show them a bit of respect ! Hah imagine that !! Anyhow have developed a runny nose and sore throat and so have had a quiet afternoon at our hotel. Later we shall set out to explore the night market and tomorrow we shall walk to the old city and visit some temples there, just need to shake off this cold !

1 day in Bangkok

Our first proper day in Thailand. We arrived at lunchtime yesterday after a very easy journey. Our hotel is really nice and on our arrived upgraded us from a junior suite to a club room, which includes free drinks between 5 & 7 !!! Lovely !! Today we hired a private driver ( Mr Owen) from the hotel (5 hours for £ 25) and he took us to the Gold Buddha, then the Reclining Buddha, then to the Emerald Buddha at the Grand Palace. The Gold Buddha is huge over 3m and made of pure Gold. It was discovered in the  1950's when workmen moving what they thought was an old plaster Buddha to a new Wat accidently dropped it. Some of the plaster fell off to reveal the authentic Gold Buddha underneath. Imagine how the workmen must have felt initially about dropping it, only to find they had become national heroes !!  It is beautiful, but interesting as it looks quite masculine with a decidedly hooked nose. It dates back to the 13th century so at that point in time Thai people clearly saw the Buddha that way. Todays Buddha's look rather more androgenous, funny that- why ?!  And then to the Reclining Buddha, he is 45m long and is in the reclining pose ( otherwise known as the Lion pose) which is the  position Buddha took to die. He was AMAZin and I really loved this one. You walk through this long building painted beautifully with Buddhist stories and the Buddha reclines the full lenght. In gold. On the otherside of the room, at his back are 108 buckets. 108 is a very Auspicious number. For a small ammount of money ( 40p)  you can buy coins that you place in each bucket to bring good luck. Dennis did the business whilst I filmed him, it had to be done. This one was my favourite. Before we went into this, there was a smaller Wat where I was able to buy an offering and pay my respects to the Buddha, which I did, feeling a little nervious as the only one's doing this were Thai and I did not want to offend. But I did want to pay homage and give my own thanks for getting me through the last year.
Then over to the Grand Palace and the Emerald Buddha. The Wats surrounding this one are especially lovely- rich and opulent. The Buddha itself is much smaller- about 1m high, However it is made of pure Jade and given much respect as it possesses healing powers. We were not allowed to photograph it, although I hopefully have a good pic from my camcorder taken on zoom outside. We were running out of time at this point, and beginning to suffer the effects of jet lag and the heat, so didnt spend so much time at the Grand Palace itself. But to be honest my interest is purely in the Buddist aspect, so I saw what really mattered to me.  Having said that I am, as always, really intrigued by the way Hinduism and Buddism entwine. Here its Buddha that gets all the Marigold flower offerings, but there was a Shiva Lingum at the Reclining Buddha site, how do you make sense of that ?  Now off again for dinner, feel so happy and this is only first day, how does it get better than that ?
 

Eureka !

Yes I have it ! Just as I was saying that the Universe was ignoring me and also saying that I wanted a ceremony of gratitude in Thailand, it happened.
Dennis opened the Sunday Times travel supplement and there was an article about the forth coming Buddhist ceremony in Thailand called Loy Krathong. Its a ceremony to thank the water goddess Phra Mae Kongka and takes place on the 28th November ( our last night !)  Apparently on this night all Thai's make thier way to rivers or the sea after dark with offerings called Krathongs which sound very similar to the offerings on Bali in that they are made from banana leaves or coconut shells and contain flowers, incense and candle's. The idea is that this little boat is floated on the water and you give thanks and make a wish. Ideally for it to work the candle must remain lit until it is out of sight. The other interesting fact is that the water goddess is adopted from the Hindu tradition where she is given the title of goddess of the Ganges. Perfect, a lovely mix of my two favourite cultures/ religions and  the way of offering is now very dear to my heart ! And how amazing is it that this is on our last night, we shall be in Bangkok and shall be able to make our way to the river. Thank you Universe you have provided me with the perfect way to show my gratitude, I cant wait- the syncronicity of this is complete verification that we are going to be in the right place at just the right time.
On a very sad note it appears that Bernie Nolan ( of the sisters) has announced that her breast cancer has come back after 3 years, and having been given the all - clear. It has spread through her lungs, liver brain and bones and is now incurable. Bastard, bastard disease.  Now you know dear friends why I am not prepared to hang up my travelling boots, not yet.

What a difference a year makes ? !

Whew what a week ! One of the girls is on holiday so Dennis is covering the shop.  I have had a  Reiki Master class for 3 days. I love teaching Reiki, its really fulfilling, but can be quite tiring as my mind must be fully present for 3 whole days, which is quite a record for me !!
Still trying to come to terms with my ' all clear ' and wondering why this has caused me this slight upset. Can you believe I could be upset with an all clear  ? I think its the old ' mind fuck' thing doing my head in. I just dont know what to think or do. Its one thing thinking your life is ending and something completely different to think your life is just beginning. Please dont get me wrong, I am ecstatic and keep smiling to myself ( like an idiot), its just that I suddenly find I have no plans. I simply dont know what to do next. The Universe seems to have abandoned me, I have no direction, although as Dennis points out I will probably get something in Thailand, but I hate being in this no- mans land. One thing I do know is I do not want to go back to how things where. Dont get me wrong my life was fine before all this started, but being re-born is such a waste if you dont do something with it. Although again as Dennis points out if I decide to have a reconstruction next year thats 3 months out of the equation. I think I must just be suffered pre travelling syndrome, I hate the lull and the rush ( because I always get both) before I travel.  Maybe Thailand will give me the opportunity to mull over the rest of my life ( whatever that may be), and hopefully I shall return with some answers, but who knows? Last year at this time I was looking forward to a week in Gran Canaria having been told I shouldnt go and bring radiotherapy treatment forward as I had an ' agressive' cancer, now only a year later I'm off to Thailand cancer free.  How do you make sense of that ?
Enjoy the weekend and dont forget we get an extra hour in bed tomorrow night !

All Clear

God its been ages since my last blog, but I havnt really had much to write about, until now.
When I saw my Oncologist I asked if I could have a CT scan as I havnt had one since my diagnosis, so one was arranged and I had it a week ago. It was not easy because of my unco-operative veins but eventually after a lot of faffing around the scan was done. Then comes the wait, part of you is happy that you dont have the results yet, the other part is going crazy. Eventually I found out by phoning Barbara my breast nurse and she told me that apart from a small cyst in my kidney ( which apparently a lot of us have) I'm clear of Cancer! What a shock, cant tell you how I felt, I dont know what I expected to hear but that was totally mind blowing.  I AM FREE OF CANCER, if I say it enough I will believe it. Its the exact opposite of when I got my diagnosis as then I had to keep saying I HAVE GOT CANCER, to make myself believe that. What a mind fuck ! Such a journey ! Such good news- but I dont know what to do with it !  Its like the diagnosis I can tell everyone and receive their love and support, but no - one can tell me how I feel. Even I dont know how I feel, its bizarre! 
Of course its not the end of it, I have not received the all clear, but its a battle I have won even if the war is still on. And it could have been so different, right?
So what to do now? Well we are off to Thailand in a couple of weeks, so busy getting things arranged for that. We have decided to have our Christmas lunch out, so have booked that. But what about a big thing?  Surely there should be some sort of momentous decision or some huge thing to mark the occasion?
I am going to have a little ceremony of gratitude, probably in Thailand, somewhere beautiful. I guess on the beach as we did in Bali when I said goodbye to the big C. I dont know what or how it will be I guess that will come. But a ceremony is in order to say a huge big grateful thanks to the Universe for getting me this far. But for now ' thankyou who/ whatever you are, I couldnt have done it without you' XXXXX

Back home

Back in chilly Blighty, and back to work. Loads to do as always, as well as prepare for winter and our trip to Thailand. I had an appointment with the oncologist before I went to Spain. He is a man of very few words. He just asked me if I felt ok or had any problems. When I said no I feel fine he just said ok we will see you in a years time, unless you feel unwell or get another lump. So I said arnt you going to scan me then? He said ok if you want a scan we can arrange that. I said well I would like to know I,m all clear at the moment. So I have to have a blood test ( dont know why) and then they will arrange the scan. I was hoping I could get it and have the results become I go to Thailand. But dont think that will happen. Ah well the Universe will decide that.
Had a little time to think in Spain and have decided to go and have a word with Jenny Smith my consultant about having a reconstruction early next year.  I did say I didnt really want one and I' m still not 100% convinced but I am having a few problems with my implant and I guess it will only get worse. So I have decided to speak to Jenny and get some more information and to find out if it would be possible to get it done straight after Christmas, on the basis that it I am going to be out of action that is the best time of year to do it. So will keep you informed.
Thats it for today, now off to the Odessey centre for a Reiki session with David.

conclusion

I have had a really good time and met some interesting and nice people, the Ukranians especially. I also learnt more about pendulums and crystal healing. The apartment and complex were we stayed was clean, well equipped we would stay there again. As for the seance, I have a lot of doubts. If you want to believe you have spoken to spirit then this experience would probably convince you. If you go with an open mind or have doubts then I think you would reach the same conclusion I have. Now I have had time to go over everything and reflect I conclude that the seance was definitely rigged. There are many reasons to say this and I wont go into all of them, but. I believe they were cruel to the Ukranian family. At the first seance they said it was a young child, he was 24. Which of course no-one knew until after the seance. At the second seance it was so predictable he would come through, and again I repeat if you had a last chance to kiss your young beautiful wife wouldnt you kiss her lips? Also he was the only ' contact' that didnt speak, ummm, my cynical mind says the mediums cant speak Ukraine. Each time of the seance Christine dressed in black. She never wore black at any other time. Although they were searched no one questioned, and neither did I till I thought about it yesterday, that David brought in a recording machine and took it out with him when he left the room. No one but David touched that, could that have been heat sensing/night vision goggles?. David was not searched on the way out, why? Again no-one questioned that. So do I believe in the spirit world, yes. Do I believe I was actually touched by one here in Spain. No.

Yesterday Dennis and I went back for some Spiritual healing with Rob the owner of the centre, who I must say made us all feel very welcome. We had a lovely session and I do actually believe in Robs abilities.

To conclude, I would have given anything to have been really touched by someone from the spirit world and it would have been much easier to delude myself than try and work out how it was done. However David insisted that to be able to commune with spirit you have to start by being true to yourself and know yourself. I know my own mind and this is my own opinion. They are both very professional, clever and dedicated people, both from mediumistic families. Did the spirits really exist or were they created by them. In my humble inexperienced opinion they created them.

day 6

day 6

Had a brilliant morning doing table tilting. To do this you ideally need a wooden table and at least 2 people. You then place your hands very lightly on the top and with intention ask it to move. To help it along you sing nursery rhymes VERY loudly. We had 5 of us at our table. One of which who claimed to be a 'table' medium. Needless to say after 15 minutes of singing very loudly nothing much had happened except the ' table' medium had used his strength to dig his fingertips into the table and because some floor tiles were lower was able to make the table rock. It was soooo obvious to all us ' newbies'. Eventually Christine joined us and after a lot of singing and perceverance the table began to move. When it moved it moved quickly dragging us all across the floor and then returning to its original place at break neck speed. All the time managing to avoid the other 3 tables being used which were also racing around. It was like a scene from Harry Potter, complete madness. But great fun. Apparently anyone can do it, so I warn you girlfriends who live close, next time you come round my house table tilting is deffinately on the agenda, see it as part of my research !! Then in the afternoon, David gave us a presentation on Trance mediumship. It was very interesting to me as the altered states he was refering to are very similar to Transcendental meditation. See it always comes back to what you already know. Then all the 'Trance ' mediums' were invited to sit for us. I dont think I have ever felt so embarressed. These people ' perform' on platforms in Spiritualist churches and wherever else they get invited to. It was awful, the two that managed to get into 'trance ' were clearly not and the 'spirits' they channeled were so obviously part of their own personality it made most people witnessing it cringe. At least at the end David was honest enough to tell them they were not channeling spirit and that they should stop trying and concentrate on mental mediumship. Its so sad to think that these two people have a bit of a following, probably vunerable, sad, depressed and sick people, who because of their illness or emotional state will trust any ' message' that 'spirit' gives them. Well hopefully some of what was said to them will sink in. However I doubt it as they are clearly getting ' off' on what they are doing. So it makes you wonder which of the afore mentioned states they are in. I know I may sound critical but you have to remember these people are misleading the public. One of them has a website and travels around the country doing this. Fraud. Anyhow thats not just my opinion and I have delibrately not mentioned their names. I just trust that their own conscience will stop them doing more damage. Although I think one may stop, the other will definitely carry on. If he does I will publish his name.

day 4 & 5

PS day 4/5

The day after the seance was interesting. Suprisingly quite a few people had doubts about what had occurred. The morning was spent having questions and answers. I have to say they both put up a very good line of defence. And had a perfectly reasonable explanation for all the questions asked. So by the end of the day I felt happier that more people felt like me.

On day 5 we spent the morning doing Crystal / Spiritual healing. I volunteered for healing as I have never experienced Spiritual Healing . As as he was working on the lady before me I felt the energy working on my right shoulder and I knew I had to have some too. I got on the bed and he placed Crystals in both hands and worked over my body with a larger one. I could definately feel the energies moving. Then he told me to relax and held his hands just above my body. I could feel heat and movement in my right breast area. And the Crystals in my hands were burning. The rest of the class watching said they could see the energy between us. I have to say it felt amazing.

Then later we went into the second seance. This time the two ladies that were the most vocal doubters were verifiyers. One of them had been a magicians assistant so said she knew some secrets regarding illusions etc. She throughly checked the cabinet and checked Davids binds as he sat in place. When the Seance began William came through. This time I was determined I would make contact so when the questions started I was quick to speak up. He walked over to me, I could feel a presence but remember its pitch black so I couldnt see anything. When he answered my question he asked if I wanted him to touch me, so I said yes. Without any hesitation a hand was firmly placed on my head, as we have to say whats happening so that everyone else knows whats going on. I said I could feel two big hands on my head, to which he replied ' My dear thats only one' and then he placed the other on my head. They felt enourmous and very very hot. And as he placed them he wriggled his fingers in my hair. I am convinced they were real hands, not false ones. I also have to say that the impression of his hands stayed on my head for at least an hour afterwards. Next he asked for the fluoresent plate and in front of some of the others placed Electroplasm on the plate so that they could see it. Then he said he would put his fingers in it. He then walked along the line and allowed people to view his fingers and for some to touch. I didnt get to touch them but I saw real fingers and he was wriggling and flexing them. I dont know how to explain it. Next came out little Timmy. This time we heard him run across the floor and the two verifiers were touched all over by him, and are convinced that he was 'real'. Then ' May' another of the spirit team came through and said that she was helping a young spirit to come through. The one that had tried to get through last time. We all knew it was the son of the Ukrainians, it just had to be didnt it?. She said that he wanted to touch his wife one last time. There was a lot of foreign voices and then a sob. Christine asked if the interpretor could tell us what happened. The spirit had walked upto the young widow, lifted up her face and kissed her on the forehead. It was very moving. Christine was shouting to everyone to not get emotional ( as it lowers the energies) and more music was played to bring the energies back up. I dont know how they did it. A lot of people were convinced. But I do not think it was real. The biggest reason being that the young Ukrainian would surely have wanted to speak to them all. They said he had to struggle to get through, surely to speak would have been more appropriate. He would have used Davids voice box and talked to all his family in his own language. Thats how all the other messages came through. And if he had really been there wouldnt he have kissed his beautiful young wife on the lips, one last time ?? We also had to sing 3 songs at the beginning very loudly in order for the energies to 'build', ummmm gives David time to slip out of those binds and prepare doesnt it ??. I have no other explanation.
PS day 4/5
The day after the seance was interesting. Suprisingly quite a few people had doubts about what had occurred. The morning was spent having questions and answers. I have to say they both put up a very good line of defence. And had a perfectly reasonable explanation for all the questions asked. So by the end of the day I felt happier that more people felt like me.
On day 5 we spent the morning doing Crystal / Spiritual healing. I volunteered for healing as I have never experienced Spiritual Healing . As as he was working on the lady before me I felt the energy working on my right shoulder and I knew I had to have some too. I got on the bed and he placed Crystals in both hands and worked over my body with a larger one. I could definately feel the energies moving. Then he told me to relax and held his hands just above my body. I could feel heat and movement in my right breast area. And the Crystals in my hands were burning. The rest of the class watching said they could see the energy between us. I have to say it felt amazing.
Then later we went into the second seance. This time the two ladies that were the most vocal doubters were verifiyers. One of them had been a magicians assistant so said she knew some secrets regarding illusions etc. She throughly checked the cabinet and checked Davids binds as he sat in place. When the Seance began William came through. This time I was determined I would make contact so when the questions started I was quick to speak up. He walked over to me, I could feel a presence but remember its pitch black so I couldnt see anything. When he answered my question he asked if I wanted him to touch me, so I said yes. Without any hesitation a hand was firmly placed on my head, as we have to say whats happening so that everyone else knows whats going on. I said I could feel two big hands on my head, to which he replied ' My dear thats only one' and then he placed the other on my head. They felt enourmous and very very hot. And as he placed them he wriggled his fingers in my hair. I am convinced they were real hands, not false ones. I also have to say that the impression of his hands stayed on my head for at least an hour afterwards. Next he asked for the fluoresent plate and in front of some of the others placed Electroplasm on the plate so that they could see it. Then he said he would put his fingers in it. He then walked along the line and allowed people to view his fingers and for some to touch. I didnt get to touch them but I saw real fingers and he was wriggling and flexing them. I dont know how to explain it. Next came out little Timmy. This time we heard him run across the floor and the two verifiers were touched all over by him, and are convinced that he was 'real'. Then ' May' another of the spirit team came through and said that she was helping a young spirit to come through. The one that had tried to get through last time. We all knew it was the son of the Ukrainians, it just had to be didnt it?. She said that he wanted to touch his wife one last time. There was a lot of foreign voices and then a sob. Christine asked if the interpretor could tell us what happened. The spirit had walked upto the young widow, lifted up her face and kissed her on the forehead. It was very moving. Christine was shouting to everyone to not get emotional ( as it lowers the energies) and more music was played to bring the energies back up. I dont know how they did it. A lot of people were convinced. But I do not think it was real. The biggest reason being that the young Ukrainian would surely have wanted to speak to them all. They said he had to struggle to get through, surely to speak would have been more appropriate. He would have used Davids voice box and talked to all his family in his own language. Thats how all the other messages came through. And if he had really been there wouldnt he have kissed his beautiful young wife on the lips, one last time ?? We also had to sing 3 songs at the beginning very loudly in order for the energies to 'build', ummmm gives David time to slip out of those binds and prepare doesnt it ??. I have no other explanation.

day 3

Ok, yesterday was great, in the morning was a seminar on Crystals, then in the afternoon we had a seminar on Minnie Harrison by her daughter in law. The Harrisons were a family based in the North East who over a period of several years sat in a 'circle' every Saturday night. Through the mediumistic capabilities of Minnie and her sister who had ' passed' they achieved amazing results. And photo's of the Sister in spirit. It was all very interesting. Then in the evening we had the seance. Omm, I have very mixed feelings on that one. Unfortunately they are coming down on the - unconvinced side. It seems that everyone else was convinced. But I didnt ' feel' anything. And bear in mind we were sitting in complete darkness, which heightens awareness. The ' spirits ' that came through spoke to us and we were again able to ask questions. When a question was answered the ' spirit' would then touch the person on the head. All that were touched were convinced. I did not ask a question. Then a small boy came in and walked passed us all carrying a ball that lit up in the dark asking us if we could see his hand. The boy was 9 when he ' passed' and I really struggled to tell this was a hand. It was so small for a 9 year old, even if he was small for his age. Then Louis Armstrong came through and sang and played for us, it was great fun. The lady next to me recieved a message from her father in law which sounded to me as though he was speaking via telephone long distance. And she afterwards admitted to me that she had hardly known him, but was convinced it was him ? The medium all this time sat in his cabinet bound and gagged wearing a cardigan secured by plastic ties. When the seance ended he was found in the middle of the floor still bound but with his cardigan on back to front. Was everyone impressed? It appears so. I have not had a chance yet to speak to everyone, but I do appear to be the only one that doubts. If it was a con how did they do it? I have to say it was an enjoyable evening. If it was a con they were very professional, and think about Derren Brown, he's amazing. Did I feel like that about the mediums and spirits I met in Bali. No.

day 2

Well what a day. The morning lecture was on holistic healing and was very interesting. It was delivered by the owner of the center, who was both informative and funny. Then after lunch the medium came up to give a lecture on trance and altered states. This guy is ruthless. I am so glad I was honest and said I was a deffinate beginner. All the 'mediums' are getting shot down, some of them are asking for it, but it makes me cring a bit. He is brutally honest with it and says if you dont like it tough. It was a brilliant lecture though and I enjoyed it. The main point he was trying to get accross was that some mediums are sloppy and do not discipline themselves. They are also egotistical. He was telling them how to trance well and they couldnt take it. He also tore down the theory re Ascended Masters and Fairies and UFO's. With very strong understandable theories as to why they cant come through. It was quite amusing to watch the ones that ' channel' these entities reaction. It got quite heated at times. I am learning such a lot and I am glad I came and met these guys. Its very refreshing to spend time with people who know their trade well and wont tolerate the charlatans. However all will be revealed tonight as its the first seance, which me luck !!!

Seminar day 1

Physical Seminar day 1

Felt quite anxious as I got into the car, there were 3 women in it already, and none seemed very welcoming. When we got to the center though I think we all calmed down and I got chatting to one of them who is from Ireland. The other two an American and a Turkish lady are both from London, and they are ok, although the Turkish one is a little weird.There are about 30 of us from all over, some from Ukraine, some from England and English from Spain. The 2 mediums are amazing ( thankfully), they dont take any crap ( and let me tell you there is plenty) and are very down to Earth. Christine Morgan gave us a presentation on Mediumship, which was very interesting, then we had to have a go at reading each other. I did very well and got a mention at the end of class, so am now teachers pet ! However I think what I do is more a pyhsic reading ( without involving spirit) Christine said she will work a bit with me and find out. Apparently all mediums are pyhsic but not all pyhsics are mediums. So watch this space ! In the evening her partner David went into deep trance and his ' Co- worker ' William came through. Gave us his story and told us what it is like on the other side, then went on to answer questions. It was all facinating stuff, though the deep trance session didnt have me completely hooked. Some of my fellow students however were convinced that all kinds of things happened, which to be fair Christine immediately dismissed as non evidential. That basicially means everyone has to see or hear it, otherwise it doesnt count. And I didnt see anything, together with a load of others. So here I am in the middle of Spain sitting in a room full of self proclaimed mediums and feeling just a little out of place ( and loving it).

　

Tor and back

Had a great time in Glastonbury, it has its own unique character. No big chain shops in the high street, just small independant shops selling new age goods. From Hukka pipes, to crystals to witch parafinnalia. And no one bats an eyelid. The locals openly smoke outside the cafe's, in fact one actually has a sign that says ' smoking encouraged'. The atmosphere is so peaceful, no one hurries. You can get treatments from massage to a Crystal bowl sound bath. There is a shop dedicated to ' hemp products'. Where else in England would you find all this? Its a small ugly looking town, with a big soul. We visited Chalice Well gardens and drank the rusty tasting healing waters and then the challenge of the walk upto the Tor. I have walked this many times, once quite a few years ago whilst I still had metal pins in my leg and hip holding it all together. And last year I really struggled as I was coming to the end of my Chemo, my energy ran out halfway up. But I did still manage eventually to get there. This year I practically ran up. I felt so fit and alive. It was great to come full circle. I felt very grateful as I reached the summit.
And here we are back home, for a few days and then off to Spain so that I can attend the Physical Mediumship course. I am beginning to wonder what I have let myself in for. I have recieved a whole load of do's and dont's for the two evening seances. Its beginning to feel a little out of my comfort zone. But then as you all know, I do enjoy that feeling !!

Be Grateful

Ok so heres something I do every morning when I wake up ( sometimes its a 4am ritual) I go through all the things I am grateful for. I start with Thank you for the wonderful day I had yesterday and Thank you for today.  Then I go through my list of all the other things I am grateful for. This is a real experience of positivity as I will also be grateful for any thing that hasnt gone quite right, on the basis that something unpleasant may be helpful in the future. Maybe that was meant to teach me something, how do I know at this point.  It may even be that an awful experience can trigger events that will turn into an advantage. So I am grateful. And I mean it. I am grateful for my cancer experience, boy has that taught me a lot. Without that experience I doubt I would have done all the travelling that I have this year. I certainly would not be in the place I am now.  So I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for my friends, I am grateful for the haven that is my shed, I am grateful for my continued good health, and so on.   The act of gratefulness creates positivity in the mind, it reminds you of all the things you have. This raises your internal vibration and you feel lighter.  Sometimes in our busy lives we forget all the good things we already have and instead we concentrate on the negativity of what we dont have.  Feelings of loss and want. The Universe hears this and under the law of attraction will send back what it thinks you are ordering. You think negativity and you get it back. Negativity is heavy.  Why do you think we say to each other lighten up ? How you do you feel right now? Take a minute, are you heavy or light?

Me, Im buzzing. I am off to Glastonbury for a few days. I love Glastonbury.  A lot of people think that Glastonbury is all about the music festival. But its much more than that. It is the centre of healing and new age thinking in the UK, other than maybe Totnes in Devon. It is a small town full of independent shops, most of them selling Crystals, Clothes, New Age books, CD's, vegetarian food etc. It has a lovely easy going laid back atmosphere. And magical places to sit and meditate such as the Chalice Well gardens, or the top of the Tor.  Glastonbury is considered the Heart Chakra of the world as it sits on two major ley lines, They are the St Micheal and  Mary lines. So called because in direct alighnment  are 10 churches dedicated to St Micheal and 23 churches dedicated to St Mary in a 300 mile line stretching across England. Other Chakra centers are Mount Kalaish ( Crown) and Bali ( Third Eye).  Amazing isnt it?  All that energy centered into a small sleepy town. Anyhow shall let you know how we got on, yet another small adventure.

Lymphodema Nurse

Thought I should tell you about my visit to the Lymphodema Nurse last week. In case you wonder what one of those is, she is qualified in Lymphatic drainage. As I have had my Lymph nodes removed in my right arm I am at risk of developing Lymphodema as fluid can collect in my hand and arm, if it gets really bad I will have to wear a compression arm covering, and if it gets really bad my arm can expand to huge proportions. If this happens it will never return to the same size. So I do realise its a potentially serious thing. I rang and made an appointment because fluid does collect in my hand just below my ring and little finger, and being responsible I know its best to get help before it gets worse. My appointment went like this;
Nurse; Hope you are not going to sit on that bed with your legs crossed !
Me; I uncrossed my legs.
Nurse; I hope thats not a suntan.
Me; Decided not to tell her about my shop said, yes Ive been on holiday.
Nurse; And who said you could do that
Me; Jenny Smith , my consultant said it would be OK. My Oncologist said go off and enjoy yourself.
I couldnt bring myself to tell her just how many ' holidays ' I have been on this year.
Nurse; Whats that on your nails.
Me; Its Gel and its ok, the girl knows not to push back my cuticles.
Nurse;  And what type of massage are you doing.
Me; Deep tissue and Hot stones.
Nurse; Whats Hot Stones
Me; You know stones get heated up in a thing like a slow cooker and I hold them in my palms and massage.
Nurse; Dont do that ever again
Me; Dont say anything but thinks - yea right !!
Nurse; And what about hot baths?
Me; Well I like a soak on a Saturday night ( with a cold glass of Cava, listening to Bottcelli)
Nurse; Not hot water though.
Me; thinking; Bloody hell- whats left. What can I do.?
Nurse; Are you doing your exercises
Me; oh yes ( when I remember)
Nurse; Starting to gently massage my arm and hand says, You see youve got to remember you are damaged now. You will never be the same.
Me; thinking; Ive always been damaged, nothings changed. Oh I see she means my arm, oh damaged thats an interesting concept. Here was me thinking I'd got rid of stinking Cancer that was intent on killing me, didnt realise I was damaged, I thought I was 'cured'. Silly me. So I say -damaged?
Nurse; oh yes you will never be the same ( yes thats true, but no need to remind me), you have been damaged beyond repair. You have to look after yourself.
Me; thinking; Silly old me, I thought I was looking after myself. Says - Ah well I'm only doing a few clients and I only do one massage a day. And I only work 4 days a week and thats only if I have clients. And only a third of them have massage. So I dont do much.
Nurse; Good because you are damaged, dont forget. And what about your mind, how do you feel if you feel unwell.
Me; Well its a mind fuck, I immediately think its come back. Then I take a deep breath and talk to myself. I realise its part and parcel of living on planet C.
Nurse; Well it will always be that way Im affraid. Now lets see how you get on. If it gets worse we shall have to get a ' garment' to put on it when you are not working to help with drainage. ( She means a compression thingey that covers my arm completely).
Massage over, I gave my thanks and left. I went in happy with my lot, feeling good about myself, having a nice day. I left with' Damaged' ringing through my head. Now I'm strong and positive, and totally prepared to take the mickey out of myself. But what if I was the opposite? What if I wasnt in a good place. Now I'm not knocking her knowledge or her advice, in fact Im glad she's there.  Its the delivery that could do with a little tweaking me thinks. Anyhow got into my car,  turned up my radio and smiled. Damaged! Thats just her Fucking opinion.
 

Wet wet wet

Our day off and its pouring- has been all day. So we are in the shed trying to sort out and book our hotels for Thailand. I must admit I am feeling pretty excited. We have decided to spend 4 nights in Bangkok so we can visit the Temples and shop, then fly to Chiang Mai for 5 days in the North just to sight see and experience the North Thai food and culture. Then get a taxi from Bangkok to Koh Samui for 11 days to experience the beach. Then back to Bangkok for a final couple of nights before we fly home. The best bit is that I can do all my Christmas shopping there. So be warned friends, I guess you will all be getting a Buddha for Christmas! 
In the meantime we are preparing for a busy week in the shop before we head down to Glastonbury for a couple of days and meet up with Emma at Lyme Regis where we can hunt for fossils and catch up. Then we have a couple of days at home before we head out to Spain for 10 days so that I can attend the physical meduimship course, complete with seances. Cant wait for that either !! Oh and somewhere in amongst that I have a check up with the Oncologist. Phew.
Its great being back doing my therapies, really enjoying doing the Bars and getting good feedback. I also had a Reiki session with one of my old customers who is elderly. She loved it and floated out of the shop after saying that she got a really strong scent of flowers from somewhere. I think that as I was thinking of Bali she got the smell of the Melukat flowers as she said she had no idea what the flowers could be. Isnt it great when two people can link up psychically. Such a great experience I had forgotten how lovely it can be. I would add though that my Reiki energy feels much stronger, I think my experiences in Bali ramped that up. Have also been contacted by a lady who wants to become a Reiki Master - no idea when I can fit that in, although I have tentively suggested October.  My most popular therapy is massage, typical when thats the one I really want to break away from. I just have to get it across to people that energy work is as good if not better than massage.........


 

Happy Bank Holiday

Well this is it ! The last of the bank holidays for the year and as usual the weather could have been better.  Not so much happening over the last few days, except I have been dreaming of Bali - still.
The next trip has been drawn up and circulated for April 2013. I guess I shall be there.
In the meantime we have decided not to go to Goa as the Universe kept putting obstacles in the way. So we have now decided to go to Thailand, and its a definate as the flights have been booked. We are going for three weeks and shall be exploring the temples of Bangkok followed by a trip up north to Chiang Mai, then down to a beach to rest and sunbathe. So hopefully we shall both be pleased. Me with the temples, Dennis with lazing on the beach.
It shall be a wonderful way to round off my year of living, I have seen and learnt so much this year. So much that I had never thought I would experience. It truly has been a great year. My only concern is how I can improve on it in the years to come. It really will pose a problem for me. In fact I'm not really sure how I will manage to settle down again.  But I will let the Universe decide that, I shall just go with the flow.......
 

Summer bug

After having a wonderful time in Whitby  last week we have sucumbed to a horrible bug. Mine started on Saturday with a bit of a sore throat that got worse and ended up with me in bed by 5pm. Since then Ive had a real runny nose and now a cough. Dennis has got it as well so we have spent the whole day in the shed feeling sorry for ourselves. Its the first time Ive been really unwell since Chemo and as usual developing a temperature on Saturday night threw me into a bit of a panic. However I am over it now, although I am feeling weak still. At least I know its a ' normal' bug and nothing to worry about. But you see thats the point now, any little thing sends me into a reeling panic. But accepting that will happen helps me to deal with it. I just have to get on with it and get over it.

Looks like we are definately going to Spain in August so I can attend the Physical mediumship course. We have found a nice apartment on a golf complex so will be self catering for a change, which will be good. If apparently has its own Jacuzzi- oh I can see me now- Cava in hand lying in the Jacuzzi after a hard day at the seminar. Dennis feeding me Olives. Brilliant. Still have to firm up Goa in November, which we still intend to do, just felt too ill to arrange ( shows you how poorly we felt).

Have a few treatments this week, but thankful its been quite quiet as I would not have been able to do them. Funny how something so simple can knock you for six isnt it?

Weird Whitby

Ok so all we wanted was a nice couple of days in Whitby, to walk along the beach that started it all. The place where I got my inspiration to start my journey for real. As part of our 'ritual' we always have chips for lunch by the Sea wall. As I lent against the fence overlooking the harbour I was suddenly aware of huge wings coming at me and surrounding me. My chips were bounced in my hands and as I let out a suprised wail it was all over. And no it was not a visit from an Angelic presence but a huge Seagull that had decided to mug me for my lunch. A very kind man had seen it all happen and came over to ask me if I was Ok, which of course I was, just a little startled.
Then we walked over to the Pier. The Pier in Whitby is quite a long twisty one.  As we walked along I think I must have disapeared into ' the void' as the next thing I knew was that I was standing at the very end looking out to sea. I was crying and I remember feeling homesick. By then Dennis had caught up with me and said I had just speeded up and walked in a real straight line to the end, he hadnt tried to keep up as he wanted to see what happened. He didnt know what to say and neither did I as the tears were not mine. I was not the one feeling homesick and within a minute that feeling had completely vanished and we just stood and laughed.  Dennis did mention that at first he was afraid that I would not stop but just simply dive nto the sea. As for me -one minute I was at the beginning of the Pier and the next I was in tears at the end. Weird Weird Weird.  What is happening. And my eyes were lit up again, according to Dennis. But I must say that I am now able to know this for myself as my vision becomes much sharper, I can actually feel when it happens. It happened again after I had bought my little Balinese statue, a temple guardian, that I found in a shop in Whitby. When we got back into our hotel room I was aware that everything looked brighter. When I looked into the mirror something else was looking back at me. I mean I know it was me. But my eyes really did look as though I had those luminous eye contacts in.  Anyhow on a more normal note we had a really good couple of days, we walked along the beach each day to Sandsend and back, which is quite a way. The weather was perfect for once. And I really enjoyed paddling in the sea, something that is a recent discovery for me, since Bali I guess, which I think is were all this Weirdness started. And I got my little Balinese Temple Guardian- how Weird is that ??

More weird stuff

Weird stuff keeps happening. Looking through a magazine at the weekend I saw a house which looked just like the big house I saw in my past life regression. And when Dennis checked it was built in the 16th century so would tie in with the time and it was in Hertfordshire so the area would be about right. It felt really strange because I really felt I recognised it. It might not be THE house, but it was really similar which once again makes me feel that my regression really was that. Could it really be true that I was alive in 1566 ? 
Had another strange event the other evening.  We went to see Simon Goodfellow at the local theatre and afterwards I felt totally manic and buzzing with energy. And I totally freaked Dennis out because he said my eyes were vivid blue. When I looked in the mirror I saw these Turquoise orbs glaring back at me, and I felt as though I was lit up from the inside.!  And again today the same thing happened after I had been watching some Bali trance dancing on Utube and had been playing with my pendulum. Dennis the skeptic is so facinated he keeps telling people.  And after it happens I feel really nervious and sensitive and I really have to concentrate on grounding myself. I'm worried poeple will think we are losing it. But really I find that I just want to sit and stare into space and am content to just 'be'. Which isnt me at all. I know we were warned that events would continue to unfold once we had left Bali but I had no idea this kind of thing would be happening. I just wish I could make some sense of it. But I can only hope that all will be revealed in due course. Its just all really unsettling in one way and yet strangely calming in another. Now I know that doesnt make sense !!

Busy weekend

Had a great weekend at the MBS Fair, met up with a lot of my old customers, who didnt know I was ' back in the saddle' . Such a peaceful lovely atmosphere, and great energies.  Our stand was next door to Simon Goodfellows- the clairvoyant with whom Ive been attending courses. So it was great to have a few laughs and jokes during the quieter times ( not that Simon had any). Today I am feeling a bit tired and stiff, having done about 16 treatments over the 2 days. My right arm is complaining a bit, so I am listening to my body and resting it ( well only typing). I am not doing any treatments until Thursday so will be well rested by then.  I'm in no hurry these days, have learnt to take things easy and enjoy.  Lifes sweeter that way I can assure you.
Am still feeling a big pull toward something, but still cant tie it down. Weird I know. And annoying and frustrating for me. I do know I'm not the only one feeling like this. Its as though a shift is coming, I can sense it but have no idea of what it will entail. Its a bit like a kid looking forward to Christmas, the promise of what will be in the stocking on Christmas morning.  Gosh as I typed this a big gust of wind has blown in and smashed a picture I had up in my shed of Lumbini. Shards of glass are all over my floor. Another little job for me.
Very frustratingly I am not having any luck in finding a local venue in which to hold my meditation classes. I have a few people interested in learning but the halls are either booked out or the Revs and Vicars wont allow it. Can you believe that?  One local Vicars said its too new age ! Meditation is nearly as old as time, wouldnt you think the church would appreciate a group of people taking time out for quiet reflection ?? Its no wonder their congregations are dwindling.
I have nearly completed my essays on my experiences in Bali. Perhaps I will post those too

MBS Fair

Getting ready for the local Mind Body Spirit Fair this weekend. Another event/ happening that I thought would not be done again. Ha so funny how all these milestones come and go and another crops up. It will be fun to be there, always an enjoyable event. But this one will be even more special for that.
 Just returned home from a Reiki session at the Odyssey. Had a wierd vision of the infinity symbol as soon as David started on me. Not sure what it means, but David and I always have a very indepth spiritual discussion before the session. And today I was talking about taking on more energy work. And how I have a real need to keep writing and recording everything. In fact still mulling over the idea of bringing my experiences all together and writing a book. Energy work always makes me feel very creative. Somthing is bubbling just below the surface of my sub concious and I cant quite reach it, but I know its there. Its as though I am creating something deep within. I can feel it but cant quite identify it yet. Its very frustrating, but I even enjoy writing about that. Its as though I need to pour out all my feelings, the good, the bad and the down right ugly. Its quite cathartic, but as my thoughts and feelings duck and dive its hard to pin them down to paper sometimes. Maybe sometime soon my mine will relax and allow this ' thing' inside to come out, I feel it will be like giving birth.  We'l wait for the labour pains. 
As for the rest of me, I know that since my return from Bali I am much stronger. Not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I didnt think I worried too much before about what people think, but now I realise I care even less. I also have a new found strenght of mind. I know what I want- isnt that great ? To no longer have to factor in other peoples opinions?  Ok I mean I am still open to suggestions and opinions that are constructive. Just not worrying about getting it wrong. Afterall what does it really matter?  I'm not a brain surgeon. So if I get something wrong its my mistake and I can learn from it. Its much better than doing what someone else tells me and then it going wrong. I guess I am just taking responsibilty for my own actions at last. How great is that ?

Just a normal night in Bali

Hope you enjoy my next offering, this one has been bursting to come out, so here it is ...

Oh my God, please not me again!!  The Naga was coming straight at me; his long black hair was standing out from his body, his eyes red and bloodshot, staring straight at me. This time I was frightened.

Minutes earlier we had been briefed with regard to our meeting with the Naga. Ken our guide had warned us not to fight it but just to relax and let it do its work. Naga‘s are earth spirits that work for the good of man. Thimm our healer was going to invite the spirit of the Naga from the depths of the earth, into his body, to channel the energy so that the Naga would have access to our energy bodies to ‘eat’ out any negativity or bad energy that could cause us problems and disease in the future.

Before Thimm became the Naga I noticed him scanning us all with his eyes, and he kept coming back to me. I didn’t say anything to the others but somehow I knew I would be the first to be cleansed. As Thimm began to channel the spirit his body began to change in front of our eyes.  He is a tiny little man, but as the Naga entered his body grew. The change was astonishing, and pretty scary.  His long shiny hair became course and thick and stood out from his head. His eyes got bigger and redder. He started making low guttural noises that developed into loud roars.  Once the Naga had fully entered his body it grabbed a handful of lighted joss sticks, about 15 in all and put the lighted ends into its mouth bit them off and ate them. The energy in the room was super charged, it had completely changed from a few minutes earlier.  The Naga then started to run around the room, in front and then to the back of us. Ken and his helpers were running around to, coming behind us when the Naga was in front and then chasing around in front of us when the Naga approached us from the rear. It appeared like an ethereal game of tag. The tension in the Ashram grew.  My friends and I glancing at one another and then back at the spirit, trying to guess who would be chosen first.  I could see a mixture of fear and amazement in their faces which I knew I was reflecting back. Was this really happening? Suddenly the Naga stopped in its tracks, my friends and I like frightened rabbits in the glare of headlights, frozen to the spot, unable to move stared back. Then the spirit and I locked eyes. I was aware in that brief moment of time that I was looking into the eyes, not of a quiet peaceful little man but a primeval seething energetic mass of malevolence. Something much older than time. It truly was not of this world. The tension was mounting. Just as I tried to look away it ran across the room, straight for me. Ok so this is it, I was correct, I was first. Its eyes by now were brilliant red, seemingly lit up from the inside by the flames of the incense. As it charged I was vaguely aware of Ken and his helpers running behind me. As the Naga made contact I remembered Ken’s words and opened my arms to receive what was coming. I was not however prepared for the force of the contact which knocked me straight off my feet. The boys caught me and we all became entangled as they held me, to protect me from hitting the floor and to assist the Naga.  And here we were, the Naga started to bite my right breast. I could feel his mouth on my implant, he didn’t use his arms, which remained limp by his sides, but the power was immense. He was right on top of me, growling and making chewing eating noises.  I looked up and saw my friends looking down at me, some were looking very concerned, other stifling nervous laughter. Was this the normal behaviour of a Balinese healer?  I felt like the victim of a gang rape, being held down for the gratification of the leader, only my logic told me this was not so. The Naga was moving now up to my collar bone. This was where the Cancer had spread in my lymph nodes, I have a dark patch there, a memory of the radiation treatment. It continued up my neck although it was working in my energy field now so at least the actual biting had stopped.  Then as suddenly as it started the spirit jumped up and left me. Lying in a dishevelled heap of the floor. I scrabbled to cover my modesty as the boys lifted me back onto my feet. Thank god it’s over, now I can relax and watch the Naga work on my friends. They all shot me a glance to check if I was OK, after all they would be next. I glanced back with an I’m OK look to put them at ease.  The Naga commenced its strange prancing, again looking in turn at each of us. Just as I was telling myself to relax and enjoy as my ordeal was over we locked eyes once more. Oh no please God, I recognised that look. Once again I was in the glare of the headlights. No one said it would come back a second time. Surely not? Then the familiar rush of bodies as the Naga came back, the boys surprised as well only just got to me as the Naga pounced. This time I couldn’t help myself and my arms shot across my body instinctively in self-protection. It was of no use against the Naga. This time it went to the left side beneath my left breast and started feeding. My friends as surprised as I was were now looking at me in shock and concern. The boys, trying to keep me from being hurt as we rolled around on the tiled floor. I was by now feeling shock and horror, when would this surreal ordeal end?  What was it that made the Naga come back, what had it found? Once again as suddenly as before the Naga shot to its feet and left me. I had had enough. Please don’t come back. Go to one of the others.  And it did, one by one it picked off my friends, some were bitten on the back, some in the stomachs. Then it turned on the healer’s wife and daughter (something it apparently never does). And then onto the guys that were helping us. No one escaped.  I was so glad I was first as it was almost as horrific to witness as it was to participate.  In the end the Naga was appeased by being given a whole raw egg, which it devoured. Then after a quick race around the Ashram it collapsed onto the floor and the healer got up. Once more the quiet gentle man that he is.  He just got up and gently laughed, checking that we were all OK.  The weird thing is after all that had happened to us we didn’t really discuss it. We just went to the bar as if it was just another normal Saturday night.

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Back to Normal ?

Gosh its been so long since I posted !! I now have a new treatment room at the shop. Its all green and blue- had to be as I have been obsessed with those colours since Bali. I also have a six foot high Buddha print on the wall, care of the local printing firm that I have been driving nuts to produce just the way I wanted it. When I went in and said this is what I want, the guy designing it said, ' my mother told me never to say I want, you should say this is what I would like'. To which I said ' thats fine, you can speak the way your mother would like, if that sits well with you, as for me, I want, and always will '! Anyhow I got what I wanted ( of course). Poor Dennis has been slaving away painting the room - just the way I wanted it ( of course) for which I an extremely grateful, and a little guilty. Anyhow I have anounced on facebook that I will open next Wednesday, however the Universe as always has other plans and I am booked to do a back massage, tomorrow. That said I am receiving bookings for Bars, my newest therapy, which is energy work- which is really where my heart now lies. The local newspaper tell me they will come to the local Mind ,Body, Spirit fair and do a feature about that, and will also come over to the shop and have a BARS session and do a bigger spread on that in a few weeks !! So far so marvellous !  And breathe !...
Anyhow fingers crossed I shall continue just the way I am and can reinstate my business. For now I am just grateful to be where I am and shall make sure I enjoy it. Bugger just burnt dinner - gotta go !

Nailed it

What horrible weather, doesnt look like we will be having much of a summer this year. I am sitting in my shed and its thundering and lightening all around. Quite spectacular.
 I am the proud owner of some lovely long purple nails. You might think whats so unsual about that. Well it wasnt so long ago that my nails were black and falling out. Oh its so good to be normal again. Watched an interview with Tricia- the chat show host earlier today. She had breast cancer a little while ago. She has been given a contract in America and she was saying she still lives in fear of 'it' coming back. She said that she is even more concerned since she got the American deal, as it like- everythings so good, something ' bad' has got to happen. I so know how she feels. My treatment room is coming on and will be ready end of next week, so I will be back in business at last. Ive had such a wonderful 6 months, with much more to come. But I do feel like Tricia, at times. Cant help it,' Its' always there. Like a bad smell that you cant locate. Nothing you can do but recognise the fear, accept it and carry on. Its just part and parcel of the whole deal.
On a lighter note I am off to Stoke on Trent tomorrow to meet up with Karen and Emma to do a Access Bars course ( my lastest therapy). We will have a brilliant time I know. It will be so good to catch up and share our thoughts regarding our Bali experience. I know my feelings have changed a lot over the few weeks we have been back so I cant wait to hear whats happened to them. And it will be great to learn something new I always enjoy that.......

Bali - Melukat

I really was nervous. Having watched everyone else go through their first Melakut ceremony, only Karen and I were left. It was my turn next. I had just a few minutes earlier received my diagnosis. During it I was told that in a previous life I had been a Gladiator that I had received mortal wounds but had survived. He had asked to look at my back, where he confirmed he could see the scars from these old wounds carried forward into this life.  In fact not only did I survive but I was able to return to the ring and continue, ruthless and unbeatable. In this present life he had told me that I had a mind full of ideas, which constantly distracted me from my course, which I had to agree with.  Slightly alarmingly he could also feel the detritus of the cancer in my right ring finger.  He told me that my upper Chakra’s had closed, which didn’t surprise me in the least, in fact I was aware that they had shut down during the course of Chemotherapy I had endured only months before.  It made sense to me that only my two lower Chakra’s were fully open as they represent survival and grounding, the only things I had really concentrated on. He told me he would remove the busy-ness of my mind and remove any remains of the cancer and reopen my closed Chakra’s during the various Melukat’s we would be having over the next two weeks.  I was hooked, this was after all what I had come to Bali for. 

And now it was my turn, with a quick last glance at Karen who had to endure one further session watching mine, I walked over to my Melukat.  This Melukat was a large terracotta urn full of water and the most beautiful flowers of Bali. We each had our own individual prescription and as I was a ‘nine’ that was the number of different flower combinations in my urn. The Ceremony started by my holding a combination of flowers and a lighted josh stick in the ends of my fingers. My hands where held above my head in a prayer position and I was given a moment in which to pray. My prayer was obvious, as would be all the prayers and affirmations that followed. Simply, to be healthy.  Then as I handed the Josh stick over to his wife who was assisting, I was instructed to lay my hands palms up, in the position of acceptance. He said a prayer, blessed the Melukat and placed crystals inside. Then it started. Prior to the session we had been advised by one of the other girls who had been here before to time our breathing. To breathe in when he filled the huge ladle and to breathe out through the mouth as the water flowed over our heads.  Seemed like a good plan. However when the first ladle hit I was suddenly thrust into a blind panic. It’s a totally sensory experience. Firstly of the fragrantly laced cold water and then suddenly a deprivation of sight, oxygen and body heat as he continuously ladle’s the water over your head, chanting all the time.  I was completely on my own, isolated from the world, deprived of breath, aware only of the water endlessly pouring and the flowers falling into my lap.  Then from somewhere deep inside me a sound started to rise up. I wanted to stop it but I could not as this powerful sound came from my soul, primal, mystical, and animal.  A long deep guttural wail I was unable to control, it was part of me but an old part, not of this lifetime.  Centuries of old hurt, pain and suffering.  Rushing up from the depths, coming up to the surface, to freedom and release.  The water poured on and the wail, as loud as ever continued.  I have no idea how my body took in Oxygen, I was only aware of the power of the release and the sound.

 And then it was over and sobs racked my body, just a couple, which I think were my own. Shock and acceptance of what had just left me. He held my head very gently and blew into my crown Chakra and gave me a blessing.   I sat there while his wife poured the contents of a golden coconut over my head and a blessing of rice was placed on my forehead and shoulders, and I was given the opportunity to pray some more. I thanked the Universe for what had just taken place, although it would be some time before I was able to fully process in any depth the magnitude of it, I knew that it was all for the good. My body felt so light, my hands where tingling, all my nerve endings felt alive, invigorated.  I rested there, with the heat of the Bali sun warming and drying my body and felt truly reconnected and at peace.

Trance Dancing in Bali

She was the embodiment of Kuan Yin. Dancing majestically amongst us, and we like clumsy hand maidens, were dancing to music that was alien yet strangely familiar. As we danced eyes closed minds empty, she moved amongst us, blowing Universal energy straight from the Cosmo’s into us. Each exhalation taking us deeper into the altered state. On we danced feeling  freer and lighter with every movement.  I began to feel that I was on the bottom of the Ocean, like an Anemone my arms had become frilly tentacles ebbing and flowing with the waves. Then I smelt the familiar scent all around me and part of me realised she was close by.  Her hand caught mine and our fingers entwined, and we were together as one floating through space and time. Ancient, yet young.  Weightless and free.  Eternal.  Her energy body  white  and filling the room, mingling with mine, my own expanding outwards to meet hers.  Our earthly bodies’ just vehicles for our souls, in this dance, fully present in the now.

 Then she was gone, moved by spirit to someone else. And I was back in the Ocean. Ebbing and flowing. Aware of  the others movements around me.  Belonging in the moment, feeling the love. 

And now again the familiar scent and she was back, this time behind me blowing into the back of my head and stroking her hand down my spine.  My body felt liquid as though it was really only a column of water supported by the energy flowing around me. Then she moved in front of me and her hand brushed over what was left of my right breast, very gently and subtly, hardly touching me at all. I felt loved by something so much bigger than me or her. I felt the compassion of the universe flow from her hands into my body. I felt so free and happy, like a small child dancing with her mother. I knew I had a huge smile on my face and with renewed energy I continued my dance with my small group of friends. We had gathered here through some strange compulsion that led each of us to say yes to my friend’s invitation to join her on her return to Bali to meet this woman along with other healers and to join in with their ritual ceremonies.  We had no idea of what to expect and I certainly went with an open mind, grateful that I had survived the radical medical treatments I had undergone just a few months earlier. And now at last, here we were each of us in our own Trance Dance each weaving energy , our own and one another’s, creating a massive whirlpool of energy so tangible that you could almost see it through your closed eyes.   It all felt so natural, so normal, no one feeling embarrassed or awkward. Just trusting and allowing our bodies to move with the music and freeing our spirits to embrace what was unfolding.  We had entered’ Niskala’, the inner unseen energy underlying the pageant and ceremony in Balinese Hinduism.  We were separate yet one, powerful, yet compassionate, huge yet tiny.  We truly were light workers and sky walker’s.