Thank you Universe

Well the Universe works in mysterious ways !! Having been told that my reconstruction would be done in March, I got a letter informing me it would be the 5th February. What a shock , so soon ! However was a little concerned as the 5th Feb is the aniversary of my Mothers death, but not wanting to say no I accepted it, feeling uneasy. Imagine then my surprise when last week in the middle of decorating I got a phone call asking if I could bring the Op forward to the 29th January - this Tuesday !  Thank you Universe for re-arranging, although it really now is a rush to get stuff organised and done ! I had my pre Op assesment on Friday, everything was Ok until it became time to remove blood.  They gave up after 1 attempt, saying the they will get it when I am unconcious ! That is if they can get the blinking canula in to knock me out in the first place.  Honestly this thing about my veins is beginning to drive me crazy. They said it would but itself right after a couple of years, but cant see any improvement myself yet.
The nurse gave me instructions, apparently I will have my own cubicle which will be much nicer for me. The Op will take anything upto 7 hours. I will have 3 drains and a catherter when I wake up. I shall be in a bit of pain and shall be monitored every 30 minutes to ensure the new boob is alive and well. I will have oxygen up my nose and the room will be a constant 26 degrees !! This apparently is to ensure the implant has every chance of survival, the warmer and more oxygenated everything is apparently the better. Hah they dont know about me and my hot blood,  I shall be sweating cobs !
I will have disovable stitches in my boob and stomach but proper ones holding my bellybutton in its new location- ouch !  She said that the first day I will be wishing I had never had it done, but the second day I shall feel much better. So shall report as soon as I can on whether she was right!
I can be in hospital between 3 and 5 days depending on how I recover.
So thats it! Am I nervious? Yes very. Its one thing going to get a nasty Cancer cut out of your body, but its a different thing deciding to get something done that is not life threatening. So yes I am bricking it. However it does seem that the Universe is hurrying this all through and I can only assume its because it wants me to be up for Bali. So once again I am throwing myself on its mercy and going with the flow. Today I have been loading all my spritual music onto my ipod so that I can listen to Om Mandi Padme Om and Ani Choylin Drolma if I feel in need of spirital support. I plan to visualise doing Kora around the Stupa at Boudha as they put me under. I did that last time and it seemed to work well at keeping me calm and open, so fingers crossed. So thats it ! A busy day tomorrow, I have to have a mammogram on the other one, which is my annual one brought forward because of the Op. I wont be able to blog in hospital, but will of course update you all as soon as I am home.
 

Reconstruction

Ok so today I went to Castle Hill in Hull to discuss other option with regard to reconstruction. Met a really nice Doctor - Mr Akali who says he doesnt like temporary implacts as they do move upwards- like mind has and cause discomfort. He recommends full reconstruction with the Mastectomy - job done! So wish I had spoken to him before I had the initial Op. It just goes to show that they each have their own opinion.
Anyhow no regrets that part has been done. Moving on it has been decided that I will go for a Diep flap and the operation will be performed in Hull. Diep flap means that the skin for the reconstruction will come from my stomach ( so I in effect get a tummy tuck). The alternative choice was to take muscle from my back, this is a quicker op with less chance of failure, but as its muscle rather than fat it can develop a twitch ( I know someone with that and its not nice)  and as I intend to keep all my muscles in place and use fat - which is more disposable- I have decided on the less easy option, typical. When they asked when I wanted it I said ASAP as Im going to Bali in June. As recovery time is 10-12 weeks the earliest they can do is March. That will be just about OK, although I told them I am available any time and can go at the drop of the hat if they get a cancellation !! LOL. So now have to wait a couple of weeks to get the actual date. I had to also acknowledge that ladies with cancer and opting for immediate reconstruction would take precedence and therefore it is possible that the Op could be postponed at the last minute. But they would do their best to get me in as soon as they could and its usually within a week, which is fair enough. And so based on the information I have decided to go ahead and book Bali. If I get postponed too much I would have to postpone the Op until I get back- which I really dont want to happen and have done my best to persuade them I need it doing before. Of course I couldnt tell them that I need it before as Bali is the place I go to for healing and leaving crap behind me, they might think me strange, but I have decided to go back to Bali and left it to the Universe to sort out the dates. Thank God I have made a descision !! It has been driving me nuts for weeks!!

Decisions

Thought it was about time I updated my blog. A few things has happened. I have the opportunity to return to Bali in June. However that has been put on hold until I get to Hull on Wednesday to see a plastic surgeon regarding my reconstruction. I have already been back to see Jenny Smith about the Op but on talking it over it appears that her type of Op can lead to hernia and as I still want to be able to massage the other type done by Hull seems to be the better option. That together with the fact that Jenny couldnt do the Op till March- she seems to think I would get it quicker with the Hull option.
As usual because I have decided to get it done, I expect it to be done ASAP. This shall come as no suprise to any of you I know.  So shall wait and see what this guy says. You may wonder why I have decided to get it done, well really its simply that I want a tummy tuck !! HAahah had you all going there ! Seriously its because the temporary implant has gone really hard and has moved upwards !! Yes it has defied gravity, same the other one hasnt. As well as that I am getting really bad cramp like pains in my right arm if I extend it backwards and outwards. I am seeing a physiotherapist tomorrow for this but again Jenny thinks it might be improved by getting rid of the implant. So really the time has come. It has served me well through all my travels, but shall be glad now to get rid of it.
So Bali has been put on hold until I get some idea of the Op date. In my head I had decided that I should have the Op and then go back to Bali to receive healing. To be fixed like I was last time. And to once again leave the ordeal on Bali. As one of my spiritual advisors said ' Bali seems to be the place that you go to for healing and to leave all the bad stuff, like an emotional dumping ground'. And he's right, thats what I want. To have the Op and then go to Bali to recover and leave the bad stuff behind. So I'm sending this out to the Universe, Op first then Bali in June please !
Had a good couple of days in Newcastle doing the last part of the Meduimship course with Simon Goodfellow. As usual met some nutty and some nice people and suprised myself at my Psyhic prowess. Simon is allowing his students to do platform work at his 'evenings' and offered me the chance to do this at his Immingham do in a couple of weeks.  I dont have the confidence to do that so have said  I will think about it.
Have also decided to adapt my blog into some kind of book. Has taken me a while to be able to revisit it without getting tearful. But feel the time is now right. So watch this space......

Planning

So its 2013, we have been having a few lazy days which has been great. You know we all need some 'down time' proper time when we can be quiet and just be.  Oh its easy to find jobs around the house- we have loads- but sometimes its good to get back in touch with the person inside you, with your higher self, thats the part of you that needs to be fulfilled and happy and listened to. Be warned, ignoring that strong clear voice is not good for your health !
I have also been catching up on some reading but also meditating and reflecting on what I am going to do next and listening to that voice. Some of it is out of my hands at the moment as I have decided to have a reconstruction and am waiting another appointment with a different Doctor to sort out when and where.  The date will also have an impact as it looks pretty certain that I shall be returning to Bali in June. This probably means that I wont have a reconstruction before I go as I will need time to recover. So even though I had 'decided' I would have it early this year events have overtaken me and Bali must come first. The Universe has spoken!
As for the rest of my year that again will depend on my Op but we have already been discussing plans, so at least once we know timescales we can plan around them.
As for myself I remain in a good place, in fact its been really nice to spend some time in my home for a change. We have had a great Christmas and New Year. I am looking forward to returning back to work for a bit, although next week I am in Newcastle completing my Masters of Mediumship with Simon Goodfellow, which will be fun. I really would like to get to grips with my Meditation  and Reiki teaching so will be pushing that a bit more.  I am also working on a book, it is coming along very slowly, but nonetheless I am going to complete it. So you see I have quite a lot of stuff going on in the next year, so bring it on!

New Years Eve 2012

Well here we are on the cusp of the old year of 2012 and  looking forward to 2013. As you do at this time of the year I am looking back and reflecting. And for me, what a year its been. I guess you could say its been the best year of my life. And that in  a very big part is because of the 'C'. Without it I would never have travelled so extensively as I have this year, I would never have had the experiences or the memories. In January I did my Master of Mediumship in Newcastle with Simon Goodfellow and a chance to catch up with Suzi and Karen. Then a stand at the MBS fair to let people know I was back in business. Dennis's birthday party in February, a real snowy night.
My travels started in February with a return to Nepal and included that wonderful stay at the Menri Monastry where we watched the day long celebrations for Losher the Tibetan New Year and met and talked with his Holiness and the young monks. Wonderful, fascinating.  The 4 hour train journey up high into the Himalayas to Shimla, pulsating Delhi. The tranquility of Lumbini - Buddha's birthplace.

In March I had a second Tattoo done, a Blue Lotus that we had found on the Yogi Temple at Menri. And a wonderful Reiki weekend with Suzi and Emma.

Then in April a Meditation Teachers course and then off to Bali to experience Niskala and dance in trance with a powerful energetic healer. To suddenly discover after all these years that I can put my head underwater and survive ! As we swam underwater up rivers and into waterfalls to drink the healing water as part of a very powerful re- birthing ceremony.  To discover one of my past lives as a Gladiator ( which makes perfect sense now) as a healer read my Aura and energy. To climb up and up into open air temples to participate in Hindu ceremonies under the moonlight. Magical, enchanting., unexplainable. I can back with very Blue eyes and a renewed zest for life.

Then to Morocco in June for a restful holiday and a chance to lie by the pool and read , I found a wonderful book that helped me to make sense of some of the Bali experiences, and to plan future trips. On our return we spend a weekend in Manchester where I saw the Dalai Lama, such an inspirational man. I learnt a few things that weekend.
At the end of the month myself, Emma and Karen met up in Stoke to attend a Bars class, something we had experienced in Bali and now wanted to do for ourselves.
In July the second MBS Fair and a little work !
In August we had a few days in Ravenscar near Whitby and I did a little work !
September we visited Glastonbury and met up with Emma once again and I got to visit Lyme Regis, a place I had always wanted to go to since I was a fossil mad 7 year old.
At the end of the month we went to Spain. Dennis stayed by the pool whilst I attended a Physical Mediumship course, what an experience that was ! 
October was a quiet month, did a little work!

In November we travelled to Thailand, we saw ladyboys in Bangkok, the beautiful Grand Palace and the Reclining Buddha, we flew to Chiang Mai and experienced a Tuk Tuk ride and participated in Monks chat at the Chedi.  We lit sky lanterns on the riverbank and dodged firecrackers thrown by the local teenagers. We were blessed by monks in the many temples we wandered into. Then to the Beach, which was not what we hoped it would be but nonetheless it was enjoyable. The sea was so warm and we had a midnight skinny dipping session, just like a couple of kids! Then back to Bangkok to buy a huge Buddha that poor Dennis had to carry home, and Loy Krathong. That last night was magical, I think one of the best nights of my life. A river cruise with dinner in a wonderful carnival atmosphere. Sky lanterns filled the full moon sky and a huge firework display at one of the huge bridges. Then down into the bottom of the boat to float our own Loy Krathong out into the river, to give thanks to the River Goddess.

21st December found us back in Glastonbury to celebrate the ' end of time' with Emma at the Tor. Such a lovely day, the sun shone ( the day previous and the one after was torrential rain) as about 500 of us chanted ' Om' for 4 minutes at 11.11am the point of solstice.  Amazing feeling of peace, happiness and oneness and a load of giggles as we saw ourselves being as crazy as all the other crankies !!
So how does it get better than that? I have no idea.  Who would have thought on New Years Eve 2011 I would ever have the energy to get to Nepal?, I didnt ! Let alone the rest of my journies. If I had listened to the medical advice I would have just stayed at home and worked and then had my re-construction. A whole wonderful year would have been lost. I am so glad I listened to my heart and ignored my head. My experiences have introduced me to new friends and to exotic places, to the weird and the wonderful, so I suppose in a strange way I do have to be grateful to the ' C' for its visit. As for 2013? If 2011 was my summer of learning, 2012 my summer of living, I guess 2013 should be my summer of  loving- now what do you think that means?


 

Last night in Bangkok

What a wonderful journey. Today we have been back to the Hindu shrine to Erawan the Elephant God. We decided to return there because it was such an amazing place. A shrine right slap bang in the middle of Bangkoks fashionable area, flanked by Loius Vuitton and  Stella Macartney stores this shrine is alive and buzzing with the faithful. All families and young people- beautiful Thai girls in short skirts and platform shoes looking the epitome of cool kneeling down, praying and making offerings to Erawan, together with young males all sporting the latest baggy bummed pants and spiky hair. When did you last see people like that in a religious place in the UK ?  We sat on one of the benches and watched. We were the only Europeans there but we were made welcome with smiles. Try getting a smile from one of our church congregations.  It was lovely and peaceful in the middle of one of the most vibrant cities  on the planet ! I would also add that Bangkok is a city of smells, so much street food, vendors line all the streets offering so many different types of food. Some smell lovely, some smell disgusting to us but are very popular with locals. I have no idea whats in them, but fish, fresh or dried seems popular. I have to confess I shied away from trying some, which I am sure I will regret when I get home.  Considering how much living goes on in them, the streets are immaculate, no rubbish anywhere.  Public transport is cheap and easy even for us to follow and we were only potentially tricked once by a Tuk Tuk driver who asked if we could just get off and look at the shops he would stop off at on the way. Needless to say I sent him off with a flea in his ear and complained to the street guy that introduced us, whereby he got a taxi for us for the same money. You do have to be forceful with some of them so that they realise you are not for the taking. Even today as we walked out to the shrine they thought that we were going to the local shopping center and kept stopping to tell us it wasnt open.   Even though it actually was. I took great delight in telling them that we were actually ' enjoying a walk', have you ever tried it?  Apart from the hustlers, of which there aren't many, Bangkok and Thailand is well worth a visit. The hotels are great, the food is wonderful and ordinary Thai people and hotel staff are very friendly and helpful. For me the great part has been once again seeing how ' Buddhism and Hinduism' morphs and fuses yet again to suit the local culture and belief system.  In Bali it was all Durga and Ganeshe with a little Buddha, here its a lot of Buddha with Ganeshe and a little Erawan thrown in. Wonderful, once again a whole melting pot and fusion of Buddhism and Hinduism and no one gives a damn.  Oh and I should also point out that all the shops are decked out for Christmas. We have a lovely photo of a golden sleight with 10 foot high reindeer's that is sitting outside a department store just yards from the Erawan shrine !
Tonight we set off on our last adventure, dinner on a boat sailing past the Royal Palace and the Golden Mount to celebrate Loy Krathong on the full moon. On this night everyone flocks to the river or sea to float an offering or to light a lantern to the sea Goddess,  ( hindu in origin) to give thanks for the end of the monsoon and the supply of water and to also apologise for the pollution that has been caused. We have booked a boat trip because it seems difficult to get to the small piers to float our own, through the crowds. Tonight is the night I had planned to make my offering to the sea Goddess to give thanks for this last year, so I am looking forward to it and will remember my night on the beach in Bali when we held our own ceremony to bid farewell to the big C.

Nothing more, Nothing less

Thought I'd better do a blog as Ive only done one since we have been in Thailand. Time is moving so quickly and its hard to believe we only have 5 days left !!  I am writing this in our hotel suite and listening to BBC world news that is reporting on protests being held today in Bangkok against the prime minister!

I have amassed an amazing number of mozzie bites all over. I think most of them came from Chiang Mai and Koh Sumet. Keeping a careful eye on the ones on my right arm and hand, but what can I do, they love me, even though I cover myself in disgusting repellant they have still managed to get me. Dennis on the other hand has none, how can that be? Still its no suprise when I get them, I should be used to it by now.

The hotel we are in is wonderful, we have a suite which has its own lounge area seperate from the bedroom. The hotel ajoins a huge indoor shopping Mall. In fact I dont ever have to venture out of either as they both provide everything.

We have been out visiting more Wats. Yesterday we went to the ' Temple of the Golden Mount' Where we climbed right up to the top. We were soaked in sweat when we got to the top, but it was worth it, the view over Bangkok was wonderful. The temple complex was vast and they were busy preparing for some sort of celebration today. There were all kinds of stalls selling food and a fairground was being erected, so I think we chose the right day.  Right at the top of the mount is a beautiful golden Stupa and part of the celebration is to cover the golden spire in a red cloth. The visitors were able to write all over it, I suppose messages to Buddha.  So Dennis wrote his name and I wrote ' Om Mani Padmi Hum' ' All hail the jewel in the Lotus' as I thought that appropriate as it links Nepal which is where my journey began.

So I have come full circle- bit like Micheal Palin!  What a spectacular year I have had. As we come to the close, not only of the year but also an epoch- the Mayan' end of time', I feel small, in a good way. I have seen and experienced so many wonderful things this year from staying in the Menri monastery to trance dancing with inspirational healers in Bali, to being blessed by monks in Thailand and all the other incredible stuff inbetween that make me realise how vast the world is. And the Universe beyond.  I realise that I am just a tiny little dot in that vast process, a blip, nothing more or less. A small part of the teeming human race that is covering and spoiling this planet.  I have had some bad luck, but following that I have been in a lucky position to be able to follow my dreams and desires. There is so much poverty and dispair in the world and so much happiness in having nothing. In the end we all arrive with nothing and we take nothing with us. My journey has been worth it, it has put everything into perspective.