Monday, 6 June 2011

Fec' sakel

OMG Chemotheraphy sucks !! Firstly when Dennis and I entered the room in which I was to be given this stuff I had no idea I would be sitting nose to tail with loads of others having same treatment. Nor was I prepared for the  negative energy that nearly floored me when I walked in. Everyone sat there like ghosts waiting for the Chemo to enter thier bodies. The nurses looked shattered - mine was doing a 12 hour shift, she was really nice, but you could tell she felt the negativity too.  The process itself was quite slow- 7 syringes full of toxin had to be injected by the nurse into a canular in my arm. It took nearly 2 hours.
I came home feeling more depressed than I have ever since this process started. In fact I was in tears by 8 pm. Then I discovered that the steriods they give you can cause depression and suicide- bloody hell - it had to be something strong to pull me down that low. And three days later I still feel pretty depressed, although I am glad to say that apart from having NO energy whatsoever I have had no other physical effects, apart from a pounding headache the first night. No sickness, just a terrible thirst and dreadful depression. I have an appointment with the nurse in charge before my next dose - which is on 23rd June and I hope I can persuade her that I do not need these steriods. I have spend the last 3 days in a fog, sleeping, reading, meditating and healing and now feel I must attempt to climb out of this pit and start living a little again .......

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