Sunday, 6 November 2011

Last hurdle

Well, Halloween and Bonfire night has passed. I always feel that at this point in the year Christmas is just around the corner. And the weather is so mild, long may it last !

Recieved another quote for my kitchen and have decided to go ahead- plan for a future ! Am having to decide this week on tiles and worktops etc so this will keep me busy through my first week of Radiotherapy. Its going to be quite a challenge to get up and into Hull every morning for 3 weeks ( I dont usually get up until 9am, sometimes a bit later) by 9.30. As its my first one tomorrow I have to be there for 9am, but Dennis is coming with me so I will be on time for that one.  I am hoping that all goes well with this and that I dont get too much skin damage, or get the dreaded fatigue back, but alas I shant know this until I get going with it.

Thankfully last evening my big toe nail fell off at last. Whats the big deal I hear you say. Its been disgusting for about 3 months all black and nasty. Its such a relief, although a bit late as its now boot and sock time so it wouldnt have mattered so much. My finger nails on the other hand are a complete mess, one of my thumbs is half black and the others are all coming away halfway down the nail. So I think they will also fall off !! I look like an alien. But I am alive so I am grateful for that.

Sadly on the news yesterday was the story of a six year old boy. He was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2009. They operated and he had chemo and radiotherapy. He got two all clears on his scans and then the cancer came back and there was nothing they could do. He died last March, wheres the sense it that ?. This is now how I have to live, with a cloud over my head. Even an all clear scan does not mean IT wont come back. I am really trying not to become a bore over this, but it is somthing I have to come to terms with . I am hoping that once radiotherapy is finished, and Christmas, I shall be able to get on with my life. I dont yet know however what thatis going to be. I have several thoughts but nothing specific. My customers keep asking Dennis when I will be back, but it cant be in the shop as I have a new sunbed in my room. It cant be at my house because I dont think people will travel that far. I dont want it to be full time because I want to do more Reiki teaching and 'Love Heals' and get qualified to teach meditation. But then where I am going to do that?......

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