Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Pandora's Box

Just back from my third radiotherapy session, all ok still. Only thing is they have moved me onto a different machine as they say it means I wont have to wait too long. Thats not a problem except they have changed my times. Whereas before they were all 9.30 ( easy to remember) now for the next few days they are all over the place and then after that they are all at 9.20!!! Like tomorrow its 10.20, Fri 9.40 and next Tuesday its 8.30 !! Bloody Hell Dennis shall have his work cut out on that day, he'l have to push me out of bed !!

Did a stupid thing on Monday. I decide to google triple negative breast cancer. OMG why did I do that? So far I have managed to avoid scaring myself. Now I have found out that TNC has the most incidences of secondaries of all the cancers, and that they usually occur within 3 years, and it likes brain, liver and bone. On a good note, if you manage to be clear for 5 years the risk of secondaries drops to below that of other breast cancers. Such a stupid thing to do. I promised myself I wouldnt look but its too late now, I have opened Pandora's box and let the demons out. So now I have decided there is deffinatley no way I,m wasting time having reconstructive surgery next year. No sir. And I have to live with my new found knowledge.

This morning during radiotherapy I decided that each time I am zapped I am visualising killing the bastard. I am seeing it as a black slimy mess of little seeds and the radiowave just knocks it out completely, leaving lovely new pink cells. It makes me feel as though I am contributing something and makes me feel better anyway!!

Been a difficult week away as Dens van has blown up and is in the garage. This means that as soon as I get home he has to take my car.  And next doors feral tomcat attacked Polly yesterday and has hurt her foot, so I have to wait for Den to get back so I can take her to the Vets.  Hopefully the van will get fixed soon. Just life, but on top of everything else its a bugger!

On a very happy note I am pleased to announce that my eyelashes have re-appearred. Hurray, this means I can soon coat them with mascara and shall at last feel dressed when I leave the house ....

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